Comment by tw1010

"We always talk about learning disability, but never about teaching disability" - Eric Weinstein (paraphrased).

Don't worry. There's a lot of shit out there and it's not at all your problem if they don't feel satisfying.

I also used to think there was something wrong with me for not understanding or being satisfied with vauge intuitive descriptions of mathematical ideas. Then I discovered proof-based mathematics and realized that, heck, here finally is the unambigous, high-resolution, no-corners-cut explanaion I've always been looking for. (Sure, it's a lot of hard work to get to a satsifying end-point, but at least the problem has shifted from trying to parse vauge intuitive statements in a visual-heavy video, to being bottle-necked by my own will power and dicipline to go as deep into an understanding of a proof as feels necessary to reach a satisfying depth-to-effort equilibrium.)

Maybe proofs aren't the key for you (or maybe they are), but don't blame yourself if you don't find the resources out there satisfyingly understandable.