Comment by memeograph
7 years ago
In my experience there are two kinds of people. Those who focus on tone and delivery, and those who focus on content and consistency.
The former will remain exceedingly polite, up to and including the part where they tell you to go f yourself.
The latter are the ones you can actually depend on in a crisis, because they won't be busy playing social games to cover their own behind.
I'd argue that if someone is seen as a giant douche because they won't automatically cater to someone's sensibilities, that's a sign of a real douche, who is so used to being marketed to and "handled", that fair, reciprocal treatment is experienced as rudeness.
That is the gap between the kind of culture open source used to have, and what some want to turn it into today, and which is often incorrectly dismissed as a lack of civility.
Civility is that which allowed civilization to form, not what passes for it once others have already done the work. If that is a problem, it's because it's been manufactured into one on purpose.
> Those who focus on tone and delivery, and those who focus on content and consistency.
This is false dichotomy. Overwhelming majority of people care about both. When your tone and delivery is insulting or diminishing them, they see it and react to that too - those who don't tend to end up bullied and disrespected.
Also people who dont care about tone and delivery quite often backstab. Just like they dont care about others while there is no crises, they care even less when crisis is there.