Comment by Hackbraten

Ask an open question, preferably one that doesn’t involve the “why”.

For example,

> What made you realize that sshd wasn’t going to work for you?

Or,

> I‘ve used sshd for similar tasks; what’s your advice for me to get familiar with the differences?

This kind of question helps shift focus on the answerer and enables them to tell their story. It’s unlikely for them to feel insulted if you convey some degree of genuine, honest interest in what they have to say.