Comment by zzo38computer
6 years ago
I disagree; "Why didn't you just use sshd?" is a valid question and can be answered as such. Of course the answer might be "I don't know", but also there might be an answer, and maybe they do know the answer and have a good reason to don't use sshd; I don't know. That is why I ask. Then you can learn.
Unless the person you're asking has specifically asked you for questions you shouldn't approach every situation as an opportunity for you to learn. Sometimes the situation is about other people, their work, and accepting what they've done as a valid use of their time. Asking a question that could potentially invalidate the effort they've put in, even if you think it's a reasonable point to raise and you think you could learn from it, is just incredibly selfish.
A key skill in communication is anticipating what the potential outcomes of what you say might be in a particular situation. In this case, the question can be valid, but it can also be completely the wrong thing to ask.
Thank you for pointing this out - after reading the OPS article, it is the first thought to mind. Maybe I missed it, but the premise of the article is contextualized on the response rather than the originating presentation of the problem. If the person isn't asking for your help, it can come off as offensive when hearing remarks/responses like this; and as many point out in the comments - there is no easy way to say it. This just leads to that person internalizing in the future and less likely to seek actual help. This isn't an insecurity, NO ONE wants their work invalidated. (and so many wonder why workplace burnouts are common)
While the proverbial "There is no I in team" applies here, the real lack of social skills is on the OP, not the person presenting the problem.
Re-phrasing aside, a simple, "Hey, that's an interesting problem. I may be able help if you'd like" before stating the obvious solution will go miles in the conversation and re-enforce the relationship between both parties.