Comment by kerkeslager
6 years ago
I'm reminded of Keep Your Identity Small[1].
As a society it seems like we're moving more and more to a model of conversation where the onus is on the speaker/writer to communicate in the most obsequious manner possible to avoid offense, while the listener/reader is allowed to interpret what is said/written as offensively as they want.
It's certainly a kind thing to ask "Could we use SSHD here?" instead of "Why didn't you just use SSHD?" But if someone says, "Why didn't you just use SSHD?" I think the person hearing that question has some responsibility to take the question at face value, and not read an insult into it.
Ultimately, the speaker/writer and listener/reader are supposed to have the same goal: to solve the problem in the best way possible. Maybe SSHD is a better solution, and if it's a better solution to use SSHD, then we should use SSHD. That's the entire point of asking the question in the first place: to try to discover if SSHD would be a better solution. But if the person hears "Why didn't you just use SSHD?" and concludes "They must think I'm an idiot", then how are they going to handle hearing "We should use SSHD instead."? I think it's reasonable to expect adults to be able to take this sort of criticism without feeling hurt or getting defensive.
Someone so married to their own work/ideas that they take polite criticism of their work/ideas as a personal attack can't be an effective member of a team, and since they'll always feel under attack for every mistake they make that gets corrected, they will be miserable to boot. This thought process doesn't represent reality: just because you used the wrong tool doesn't make you a stupid person or a bad engineer, and just because someone thinks you used the wrong tool doesn't mean they think you're a stupid person or a bad engineer. I'd go so far as to call this a mental disorder; it certainly fits the DSM IV definition[2].
Smart people and good engineers make mistakes: a big part of what makes someone smart and a good engineer is that they actively seek out people who catch their mistakes.
So sure, strive to communicate in a kind, compassionate way. But also strive to be confident enough that you can take criticism of your ideas and work without taking it as an statement about you, or your value as a person or worker.
No comments yet
Contribute on Hacker News ↗