Comment by Shenglong
15 years ago
This story has a great moral, and from a younger-person's standpoint, I think it's something every parent should consider: enable, and don't obligate.
Encouragement itself is a dangerous path, since it can lead to an unhealthy zeal and interest. Unless you're parenting in an unique way, parents usually are seen as an authority figure by the kids. Because of this, over-encouragement could be seen as forcefulness, and act to discourage the child by creating a sense of obligation. This is exactly what happened to me on multiple occasions. I swam breast stroke competitively when I was younger, and stopped training completely when my coach and my parents decided I should train for higher level competition. I also played badminton on a provincial level, and basically the same thing happened. This isn't me being lazy. I trained 9 hours a day last summer at the Shaolin temple on my own will.
On the other end, everything I've built (or done, other sports included), I've done so on my own accord, either with no support from my parents, or just a slight tinge of interest. I guess every child is different - just make sure not to make them feel obligated.
I also see this as an aversion to being manipulated. People (kids, adults) definitely react in different ways to this, it's why you have to be careful about generalized advice. Some kids would flourish being "pushed" into something, others experience an almost allergic reaction to seemingly blunt manipulation and obligation. The exact way parents and coaches reward and encourage the kid also matters, and matters differently to every kid. You just have to figure out what each kid is like.
it's why you have to be careful about generalized advice
This is so true. There is no generalized advice that will work for all parent/children combinations. Every child is different and will require different inputs to affect optimal outputs.
Having said that, I will give one piece of generalized advice: know your kids. Notice my advice is on how a parent should behave, not the child. :) Really spend time with your kid(s) and learn how they tick. Only by doing that can you hope to understand how to help them achieve their potential.