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Comment by rendall

3 years ago

> "Feels like a bit silly not to have made this compatible with SSE ..."

The feedback is great, and valid. I wish it could have been expressed less dismissively though.

26 comments

rendall

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sam_lowry_  3 years ago

Depending on the culture you are living in, this can be perceived as either dismissive or respectful.

I was curious enough to browse through the comments of @lexicality to conclude that he is European, so there is a chance that you were considered capable of receiving a direct feedback.

That is, by giving direct feedback, @lexicality showed you respect.

  • rendall  3 years ago

    The feedback isn't to me.

    Also, I live in northern Europe. Generally feedback is direct, but respectful. Calling something silly is usually (but not always) out of bounds. European-style feedback might be: "I'm surprised you did not use X because it perfectly matches your use case."

    Or "Great feedback but I wish it could have been expressed less dismissively"

    • 0des  3 years ago

      You know, this might not apply here but lemme contribute this:

      Recently at my place of work we were required to take some diversity training. In this training we learned about high context and low context regional and familial cultures. High context individuals convey and respond to indirect details and nuance, while low context cultures are more direct with what they receive and convey.

      Learning this helped me a lot and I notice these differences often, as I too come from a different cultural background than my team mates.

      11 replies →

    • apatters  3 years ago

      I believe the HN guidelines actually say something about this, but either way: I think there is tremendous value in interpreting other people's statements as charitably as possible.

      Why take offense when none may have been intended?

    • talideon  3 years ago

      At least where I come from (Ireland, but I'd say it's the same in the UK where Lexicality is from), "silly" and "stupid" are distinct. You can describe something like this as "silly" perfectly respectfully, but describing it as "stupid" would be out of bounds.

    • nkozyra  3 years ago

      "silly" is used a little more casually stateside, it's actually more of a light touch descriptor

  • glenstein  3 years ago

    I don't agree that this instance is among the kind that can "be perceived as respectful" - I think we can make space to acknowledge that that is a thing, and that nevertheless this is not an instance of respectfully direct communication. So that's a red herring.

    Moreover I don't see that "being European" has anything to do with anything, and classifying someone as either being "capable of" or not "capable of" receiving direct feedback, far from respectful, is an instance of insulting with plausible deniability, which is perhaps the most practiced art form of internet comment sections.

  • politelemon  3 years ago

    Calling something silly is not direct, nor respectful.

    Perhaps your view of communication with Europeans is influenced by other factors that's led you to this conclusion? (or to put it respectfully, silly)

    • jpgvm  3 years ago

      For me atleast as an Australian this would not be considered even remotely disrespectful.

      First, it's addressing the idea rather than the person.

      Secondly silly isn't used to convey an idea being bad, stupid or otherwise without merit.

      The way I read this is that "I think this should address why it's not built on SSE or perhaps should be redefined to be built on SSE", silly just does that with much less words.

      3 replies →

michael_j_ward  3 years ago

Do you find it easy to find great, honest, and valid feedback on the internet?

How much of the supply of great, honest, and valid feedback would you sacrifice in order to make the supply that remains use "less dismissive"[0] language like "a bit silly"?

[0] Less dismissive in quotes because I do not find that language dismissive in the slightest

rendall  3 years ago

Let's chalk it up to cultural difference! Some commenters think "silly" is fine (Ireland, UK, US - although I'm from the US and I disagree, but let's grant it). Some think it's not.

Let's assume that "silly" was meant kindly and not dismissively!