Comment by gsk22
3 years ago
It also matters what type of conversation is being had.
I'm more of a waiter than interrupter, who lives with a strong interrupter. If we're having a debate or discussing the newest silly thing in the news or whatever, it's not a big deal -- the topic was never _that_ important that I care about getting interrupted.
However, I find it very rude and annoying to get interrupted while telling a story. Like, event XYZ happened on the drive home, or something that happened with others in our mutual friend group. It's only going to take a minute or two for me to tell the whole story, but 15 seconds in it's been hijacked and the interrupter is off on their own tangent.
> It's only going to take a minute or two for me to tell the whole story, but 15 seconds in it's been hijacked and the interrupter is off on their own tangent.
The interrupters can only be fought on their terms. Fight fire with fire. Interrupt back and just keep telling the story.
Or choose to leave. I have walked out of meetings, having been repeatedly interrupted despite telling the interrupter that I did not appreciate it.
I’m not hard line on “no interrupting”, but if I ask someone to stop, then I expect them to stop. Or I’ll just leave. I have other things I could be doing.
Very much this.
As a few others have noted, it's not an absolute, and some interruptions --- for clarifying questions or corrections, say --- are welcomed. But to interrupt continuously, to do so in a way that disrupts rather than promotes the conversation, to not catch the nonverbal cues that this is annoying, and then to ignore multiple spoken requests to please not do that ... is beyond frustrating.
I've expereinced this with friends and coworkers I otherwise respect and admire their knowledge and capabilities. But in spoken interactions they're unbearable.
Message-based comms, where there's a discrete comment-and-response cycle, as on HN, email (lists or exchanges), and many message boards, though not quite so much text-based chat, is interesting in that it's possible to say (or write) one's piece without interruption. Of course, whether or not that's read is another question....
One of the people I'm thinking of specifically in this case actually does communicate quite well in written form. Verbal, interactively, again, not so much.
Do you think it's the interrupting that's the issue here, or the fact that they're changing the subject? (and hence, not listening to you)
I think both "wait" and "interrupt" culture etiquettes involve supporting the current conversation, not ignoring the other person's input. The latter is frustrating in both styles.
Being from a wait culture, I find it mildly rude to also interrupt in an agreement, even if for a very short acknowledgement. It's an interruption after all.
I don't mind in a work setting or with acquaintances as I know lot of people are interrupters, but now I realize I do expect my friends and partner to let me finish uninterrupted. So it's clearly still a rudeness flag for me.