Comment by christalwang
2 years ago
Yes! I'm excited about this question. I'd like to share more about specifically what I've been working on in coaching. Most is related to (1) my work as an entrepreneur and (2) my role as a partner at home.
I'll start with (1), at work:
At work I struggle with time management, prioritization, getting stuck in "waiting mode", not being able to finish any detailed task (very important for legal etc), and getting easily distracted from any task at hand
Concretely, with my coach we started with helping me envision what would be different in my life if I fixed a certain number of the above. She explained this hope and motivation created would help me draw from an internal source of motivation since for a long time I theoretically wanted to change certain things and knew the path but couldn't actually bring myself to do it. I'd say this helped mildly, but I did feel a lot more hopeful and supported.
For me the most impactful change was having my coach guide me through the process of experimenting with different daily schedules that incorporated deep work blocks (she helped me set up triggers, rewards, plans for distractions, etc), certain auditory alarms throughout the day, and very specific systems that helped me get these small "detailed" items changed. I'm simplifying this a lot and I'm happy to go into detail more if anyone wants.
(2), at home:
I struggle with impulsivity, especially when I'm super stressed at work and not getting enough sleep. We addressed this a few ways, including some psychoeducation around nutrition and sleep, setting up some decent systems there (but it definitely didn't get me the whole way).
What was most helpful was to do a journaling exercise my coach led my through where I identified things I said that I regretted (this was a tough exercise for me to do, to have it written out), and rewrote these situations after the fact. Then when I had a long enough list, we looked for themes around triggers/situations and then rewrote the book for what would happen in those situations. We went through a light "practicing" exercise and eventually I had those on sticky notes in front of me until they got etched in my brain.
Overall, both (1) and (2) I'm still not great at, and we try to view everything as an ongoing journey of management, rather than "curing" ADHD, which won't happen. The biggest impact for me (and many of our members) has been having someone guide me through the steps and ask me questions and kind of just support me when I'm really hard on myself.
Appreciate the honesty and openness!
I know I could be working on things that generate a lot of money but I am just constantly distracted by HN, Games, YT etc.
So happy if you would go into detail about "set up triggers, rewards, plans for distractions, etc), certain auditory alarms throughout the day, and very specific systems that helped me get these small "detailed" items changed".
Not convinced that there is anything that I would not just ignore after a day or two but extremely happy to be proven wrong. I tried a lot of things, all failed after a very short time
Thank you, and more than happy to share in detail what we're on. The key (or one of the keys... not THE one) here is not just that I'm working on those things, but that there's another human on the other side who I deeply respect who is keeping me accountable to these changes. Checking in each week and knowing that check in is coming is helpful for me. For me out of the motivators of [accountability], [novelty], and [interest], accountability is my personal biggest one.
But back to the topic...
> Setting up triggers, plans for distractions, rewards:
1. Triggers: I get a glass of this special coffee (smart energy coffee, a brazillian brand that just came to US actually) every time I enter a 3 hour deep work block. It signifies the ritual has started, essentially
2. Plans for distractions: We tried a lot of things here, some worked and some don't (it's important you test and experiment to find what works for you). For me, I pre-came up with what sort of situations would take me out of flow easiest and planned around it. It was cumbersome but helped. E.g. for me it was "if a member emails I feel inclined to respond right away to help them", my solution was to give that 3 hour "shift" to my co-founder and trust that he's got it. Another one that worked was having a distraction log stickynote. If something happened that wasn't on my deep work agenda, no MATTER how important it was, I wrote it down on the sticky note and moved forward. This was really hard in practice but now I have it a lot better down
3. Rewards: This we also tested a lot and tbh I don't have anything perfect here yet but after each deep work session I allow myself to bask in the sun on my balcony and now I find myself nearing the end of the block and feeling the sun already as a physical response (I'm very sensory)
> Auditory alarms: I used to have terrible alarms that induced anxiety, fear, and surprise. My coach had me change it to things that are pleasant (oddly I never thought alarms should be pleasant lol). Now I have certain ones that signify the start and end of sessions, my work day, etc. They're just on auto-pilot and they help me build an awareness of time. Once again, like the other stuff, daunting to set up but once it's set up and you find your flow, it runs itself.
> Detailed items: THIS ONE is definitely still a challenge for me BIG TIME. I now have a specific part of my to-do list that is for items like this and I've experimented with different times in the day I do it, how I do it, in what chunks, etc. And we landed on me setting aside 1 time a week for "these tasks" that are kind of gross and I do it with wine (I know... not great) and with my partner, and with a pomodoro clock and we race each other to finish our annoying tasks.