Comment by rdtsc
2 years ago
> This all seemed ridiculous to us, so instead we drove the two hours, keeping our plan secret until we pulled up into our grandma’s driveway, so that no one could resist and thwart our plan. We had a lovely visit, and my mom later thanked us for making the drive. [...] This is guess culture — and it’s a lot of saying not really what you actually want, and it’s a lot of reading between the lines to try to figure out what people want.
Guess culture here also functions as a test of love or loyalty. They are nice, so they'll say "nah, you don't have to see grandma, it's a long drive..." but in their heart they hope you will make the effort because you love your grandma. If they tell you to see your grandma, your visit in their view (and your perception too) won't have quite the same meaning. There is suspicion you saw her because you were told, not because you really wanted to.
If someone tells me I'd be stupid to go visit grandma, and then decides I'm disloyal/unloving because I believed them, that's called lying and it's going to end my relationship with them pretty quickly.
I can see that being manipulative too but it’s also a cultural difference. That’s the crux of the article in a way. Some are of these things seem offensive and annoying but are rather normal for other cultures.
In that sense I would say many Americans are lying all the time, because they exaggerate everything ;)