Comment by red-iron-pine
2 years ago
yeah im from the south and there is definitely a level of up-front-ness that i'm not sure the parent comment is talking about. like a level of exuberance and get-it-out-ness that often borders on belligerence
"yall doin okay?"
This is counterintuitive, but in the framing of the article, I think that "y'all doin okay?" would actually be part of Guess culture, not Ask culture. It's just a very up-front manifestation of dealing with Guess culture, I think..? It's not Ask culture because the person who needs something is not doing the asking.
This is abstract, but stay with me here
I'm also Southern, and I think that the inclination towards that kind of belligerent helpfulness comes from trying to figure out what your guests want, and making sure they don't have to ask you for anything.
in my experience the response is "we're all good out here, but thank you!" -- which is classic Guess culture
I'm the original commenter, and I agree with you. The person you're responding to is accurate about that "friendly belligerence", but whenever I go down there I get all the "y'all doin' all right?" questions by hosts who are trying to see if I need anything.
Yeah, I'm a lifelong southerner (18 years in MS, 6 in AL, now 29 in Houston). We're pretty up front about what's going on across the board. If you come to a southerner's house, there's usually already hospitality happening -- but if you want something, ask! Just realize we'll say "no" if it's not something we're going to do.
This is jarring to people who cannot receive a no, or who cannot articulate one.
Questions like that really... confuse me, because is it just a generic 'hello' or a serious question?
In my own experience, I once had an obnoxious colleague who asked "How was your weekend?". I didn't like the question because one, I don't like to talk about what I do / did in my spare time, and two, it was leading because the guy was really really eager to talk about HIS weekend, but... I didn't care, or else I would've asked.
If it's coming from someone who could even remotely be considered a "host" to you, it's definitely a serious question, and they actively want to fulfill any needs you might have. Southern hospitality is a super real thing, it's pretty awesome.
If it's said as a greeting, "how y'all doing?" usually means "how are your family?," which also tends to be meant very genuinely.
Even outside of a host-guest dynamic, I do think Southerners tend to care more about pleasantries; when they ask about your weekend, they're a little more likely to really want to know.
Of course, this is all very broad strokes based on anecdotal experience. Plenty of cold/self-aggrandizing jerks in the South, too!
It sounds more like you just don’t enjoy small talk.
Couldn’t help but listen it in Ted Lasso’s voice. Thanks for that beautiful moment.
> "yall doin okay?"
Speaking as a Southerner, this sentence is so on point.