Comment by deaddodo
2 years ago
I'm from a western state and my family is pretty white. I've never heard this. You definitely don't glob onto any/all favors and you shouldn't accept something you wouldn't be willing to reciprocate in the same position, else you're bound to be seen as social baggage eventually. But if you need something and someone offers: sure, take it.
There's no social dance to it. Just don't be a leech, but accept help when it's needed and don't offer help unless you're genuinely willing to give it.
> There's no social dance to it.
There is. What constitutes a leech varies from person to person, from culture to culture. Accepting help could easily lead to resentment, it's entirely possible they were offering help to seem generous while simultaneously expecting to be refused. Offering help at all could be offensive because you're in a position of strength while they're in a position of weakness, it implies they need you, ingratiates them with you, puts them in your debt.
Correctly navigating these waters requires instant judgements based on huge amounts of social information like status, reputation, personality, context, non-verbal cues like tone of voice and body language. It is difficult to do this deliberately because during conversations there is not enough time to deeply analyze anything. It's best left to an uncounscious mind honed sharp by repeated practice.
Fine. There's no systematic dance, like more socially stoic cultures. New England and Southern cultures being the prime contrast; but you could use the caste system of India as an extreme contrast, if you like.
Every interpersonal relationship has its own dance, no matter where you're from. That's what socializing is.
> Every interpersonal relationship has its own dance, no matter where you're from. That's what socializing is.
And sadly, those not born with a neurotypical brain are very bad dancers.
Then don't offer. In that hypothetical situation I am in need. You are exploiting it for your own betterment of looking generous to the rest of the community. Consider your selfish bluff called when I accept!
Yeah, this was somewhat peculiar to the individual friend. I was just offering it as an anecdote for those who say things like this are unique to "people from the NE" or "Asians" or "people from the South"