Comment by RugnirViking
2 years ago
I guess if I had to describe it it's sort of like instead of primarily looking after yourself and your own needs, it becomes more of a collaborative project. Like I care about the people around me by anticipating what they might need (would you like a cup of tea, would you like a pillow) to make them comfortable, and in return, they do the same for me, and I get a positive feeling of community around this looking after and being looked after cycle.
From there it continues towards my knowing that when I arrive somewhere they are sort of socially obligated to offer whatever they have to me regardless of whether they have the means to or want to. Maybe I feel like they would be more comfortable sitting and chatting with me but they are insisting on standing and serving me with drinks and such. So I say no initially, I want them to rest for a moment. But they indicate, by asking again, that it's no problem, and that in fact they will be making something for themselves regardless of what I say, at which point I think about if I actually want something.
I don't think that's a fair characterization. I am looking after my guest(s). I ask them if they'd like something to drink. We have X, Y and Z. If they indicate that they are not in need of drink but are later on, they know what we have now and can ask. I have no visual or other indicator to foresee when they might actually become thirsty. I will not ask them every half hour whether they now want to drink something. Of course, if I happen to start making coffee because now it's "cake time", I'll ask again if they also want a coffee while I'm making some anyway or something else. But in between they better say something if they need it.
This to me is ask culture. On the other hand, guess culture would be someone making tea before I even arrive and serving it to me, expecting me to like it and drink it. Sorry but I don't drink tea. Please just ask me if I want one because if you don't have coffee, I'd rather just have a glass of water. But now that you've served this I won't say no because my guess is that it'd offend you, so I just nip a bit but don't drink it.