Comment by mberning
2 years ago
Same experience. The medical system is a reflection of pop parenting culture or vice versa. Everyone was so gung ho on breastfeeding, but when the milk didn’t come in and our son wasn’t interested in a dry breast the only advice given was “keep trying”. Then the shock and surprise when baby is losing weight. We had to demand formula, which was given grudgingly, and left the hospital a day later. If we have another we will do breast plus formula from the get go.
> We had to demand formula
I don’t understand. You can’t just go to the store and buy infant formula?
In the US (not sure about other countries), new parents often stay at the hospital where the baby was delivered for a few days after the birth. During this time, the hospital often provides them all their food and childcare supplies: diapers, swaddles, diaper cream, wipes, etc. To get formula, you have to ask the hospital for it, but if your nurse doesn’t want to give it to you because they think you should try harder at breastfeeding, you get stuck. You could sneak out and buy some, but you’re pretty exhausted, and your partner is still stuck with a screaming, hungry baby until you’re back.
(I realize after writing this out that being at the mercy of your hospital sounds draconian, but it can be really really great if you have a good nurse or midwife. They teach you how to bathe and swaddle the baby, how to nurse, how to rock them to sleep, etc. All skills you’ll need once you leave)
In the Netherlands, for the 8 days after you give birth, someone comes to your house for some number of hours per day (in our case 8) to teach you these things, maybe do some tidying and cooking but most importantly, take the baby so you can sleep! This is called kraamzorg.
It also has some similar pitfalls, as they are not necessarily specialists and it's still hard to disagree or do something else even if in your own home in the face of the supposed expert.
Not so easy when you are in a hospital recovering from birth. They generally won't allow things from offsight into the hospital either, so even if you (dad) goes to get some you have to get it in without getting caught.
The other side is nursing is hard, and so it is easy to cheat and use formula when you could with a little effort nurse the baby just fine. (Nursing is generally slightly better for the baby, but the difference is tiny. Nursing is generally a lot better for the wallet though)
It’s not that easy to just know how parenting is going to work the first time around. You can be lactating prior to delivery and then dry up for no reason. Even worse, your baby can decide not to latch or be tongue-tied. If your husband isn’t on hand to run to the store from the hospital, things can get challenging.
We had to worry about my wife dying because they wouldn’t suggest a C-section and we didn’t think to ask for one (her induction didn’t take for several days). We’re quite confident they’d have let her die before suggesting one. Thankfully, we thought better in time.
> The medical system is a reflection of pop parenting culture
Indeed. And not just in relation to parenting. The average doctor is constantly trying to emulate TV doctors, just like the average police detective is influenced by what they see on CSI, and every archaeologist wants to be Indiana Jones or Lara Croft. It would be hilarious, if it didn't have such disastrous consequences for regular people every day.
Huh? Doctors don't base their decisions on House episodes. Not even ER episodes.
No, but they base their behavior and expectations on such shows. Life imitates art.