Comment by stephen_g
2 years ago
It's especially bizarre because even apart from things like autism, even for more neurotypical people disassociation (which as I understand in mild forms can appear as emotional detachment which could come off as being calm) is a well known symptom of acute stress responses (i.e. psychological shock). As unreproducible as a lot of psychology is, putting any merit in 'they didn't respond how I think they "should" have' seems like just utterly extraordinary nonsense...
I’m rather neurotypical but I worked in high trauma environments during my college years; ER, OR, ICU, various life and death situations on daily basis in a healthcare environment. I pretty much saw it all.
That was 20+ years ago, my career was not there so I left clinical work but the ability to function during high stress and deal with the present mentally stuck with me. I also could mostly leave it at the door and it didn’t weigh on me outside work (I think most healthcare workers can do this, it all just becomes normal.
Since then, I’m the one that springs into action instead of paralyzed by shock/surprise. Saved someone choking in a restaurant, pulled a pregnant woman from a burning car after an accident, just a few weeks ago someone had a stroke at a park and I had to figure out best way to help - all these had many other bystanders just watching it happen and they all just were frozen until I came over and took charge barking order about call an ambulance or telling them exactly how to help. I’ve also learned that when something really bad happens in my life, like bad diagnoses/death of loved ones, my immediate response is to help and support what ever immediate actions are needed, talk about what needs to be done, help others experiencing immediate and usually uncontrollable grief. My grief usually starts a day or two later once all the immediate concerns are addressed.
When I was young my youngest brother walked across a large firepit barefoot (no one realized it was still hot, the neighbor had been burning wood and the like outside).
He experienced 3rd degree burns on his feet and my mother rushed him to the hospital. My stepfather at the time was basically freaking out, my mother was very calm. After it was over the thing she told us is that panicking in an emergency helps no one.
It's a lesson I've kept with me my entire life. Most of the time, for me to truly process things, I need to be alone. I have no doubt I would come across as detached and not caring if something tramautic were to happen to me.
OTOH, I had to put a pet down once and I was crying like a baby so maybe not. I've never been in a situation where I haven't had time to process before really speaking about it to others so I really am not sure what my response would be.
> I had to put a pet down once and I was crying like a baby so maybe not
I relate with much of your comment but this was something I actually considered writing before. The most drastic emotional response I've ever experienced was putting a pet down. I knew it was the right choice, planned it out, to be done at home in the back yard, his favorite place and final resting place, and even made time for one last outing to his favorite lake a little while before.
But with all the planning and forethought, it's like I started grieving before the event happened. So when it did happen, I just cried and cried. Like, sobbing on the floor for an hour type thing. Also, the fact he was mentally still 100% but his body was failing made it a wrenching decision that I was questioning even though I felt like it was the humane choice.
I was really in a funk for about a year after. The first couple months, I'd just randomly cry as some old memory would pop in my head. I was really close to this dog though, was like a child to me and it hit really hard. I got him in my early 20s, then later married but hadn't had kids yet. For some reason, the saddest thought in my head was "he'll never get to meet my kids". I've had 2 dogs since, that have been more like pets than children and I have real children too which changes the dynamic entirely.
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