Comment by jasonlotito
3 years ago
> kicked out of my parents house for being a stupid 17yr old
That's child abuse in my book. If you are a parent, you are responsible for your children. That's it. No age limit. Nothing. They need a place? You are responsible for providing them a place to live. This isn't to say you have to be responsible for their crimes, but you should never be allowed to force your child out of your house. YOU brought them into this world. They are your responsibility. Forcing a child out? You are a terrible parent. Yes, some children thrive, but others don't. I'm sorry, but it's on you.
If you aren't ready to take care of your children or make sure they are taken care of for the remainder of their life, you shouldn't have children. 18 and you force them out? You are in the wrong.
Author here again: I told myself I was done chiming in, but this is just something I have to clarify.
My parents are absolutely amazing people, and they are the only reason my life has any hope at this point. They were still figuring things out, and didn't understand why I was such a rebellious asshole. Having 4 kids and two of them teenagers isn't easy, and they have been incredibly supportive to my younger siblings when one went through some troubles, and have been supportive to me the entire time. I know this is something my mother feels terrible for, but I feel like I was going to do what I was going to do, and I put no blame on her for anything.
This was the only thing that was going to get me to comment, because i know it breaks my moms heart.
Doesn't change what they did. Things might be better now, but they still failed. Being a failure doesn't mean you are always a failure, and you can improve. That you have a good relationship with them now is proof of that. But it doesn't change the fact that they were wrong for what they did.
Don't take their growth away from them.
Unfortunately I think I mostly agree with you. I’ve fortunately never been that kind of kid, but having the right intentions ≠ doing the right thing very often.
That's pretty harsh. Children turn into adults, and not all of them turn out great. As a parent my responsibility is to get them to adulthood with as much chance of success as it is possible for me to provide. At some point they do absolutely become responsible for their own decisions. Do I ever want to find out what it would take to throw my own child out of the house? Of course not. Am I going to toss them out when they turn 18? No plans to. But this idea that you should be responsible for another adult for the rest of their life just because you created them...? That's silly.
In this case the one singular event of being kicked out at a specifically vulnerable age of 17-18. The rest of their life was influenced by that.
> That's pretty harsh. Children turn into adults,
No, it's not. It's reality. And you only think it's harsh because you are ignorant. And that ignorance will not prepare you for reality.
> But this idea that you should be responsible for another adult for the rest of their life just because you created them...? That's silly.
No, it's reality. And if you think otherwise, you are not ready to be a parent. Or you'll have a rude awakening when it turns out you are wrong.
Maybe you get lucky and they are able to support themselves, but if you think you raising them to 18 means you are done, it just means you are ignorant.
> Children turn into adults,
No, they don't and that's your ignorance.
Not all children grow up to be adults mentally. Not all children grow up. There are numerous conditions that mean you are responsible for them for the rest of their life, ensuring they get the care they need.
And trying to wave that off as the exception, it just means that you are ignorant. You should go into being a parent understanding that this might happen.
I see way too many parents throwing their kids into the water and letting them sink or swim. Sorry, but if they drown, it's on you as the parent. You failed them. You are the failure.
And that's child abuse, and people that think like that are worthless.
Do better.
There is always a limit for everything. If they had four kids, then they also had to think about the well-being of the other three. Sure there are bad parents throwing their kids out without special reason, but it’s a philosophical choice here: you have to choose to give the parents the benefit of the doubt, and trust that they tried as hard as they could. At 17 years old he was not a child anymore, not an adult either, but he certainly could have seen that he was destroying his whole family. Should a parent let one teenager destroy the lives of the other three? There are always limits. The limit can be very very far off, but it exists. Maybe he was bringing criminals into their home? Maybe he was stashing drugs inside and the police was knocking on their door? Maybe he was violent against the other members of the family and the parents couldn’t stop it in any way? Maybe he was threatening to hurt the others? Stealing from the others? Who knows. Parents are humans too, I suspect you don’t have kids, but being a parent turns you into an almost-super human but still human.