Comment by larsiusprime
1 year ago
In case it helps — I actually have no expectation and hope of a miracle. Having my hopes absolutely crushed is what gets me through the day. The fear and uncertainty of having something to lose was and is far worse (to me) than the grinding daily commitment to meet his needs.
Maybe a miracle will happen one day but I have no expectation of it. I expect him to stay in that bed for years until he dies.
I see, thank you for the clarification and sharing. I don't think I could do what you're doing. That is what I mean by choice.
I'm holding my 6 week baby boy right now as he sleeps. It is painful just to read your story, but also humanizing and helpful in a way.
As someone who is very risk averse I wonder if using certain philosophies can help hedge against this kind of pain. But then it might have it's own consequences. I've used this in the past with partners (visualizing them leaving) but I'm not sure it would work here.
Is it possible to love your son so much but not feel an equal amount of pain with loss.