Comment by lukan

Anger is useful in a way, that it gives energy and overcomes paralyzing fear. When you are in a survival fight with no way to escape, anger can make all the difference - otherwise we would not have evolved it. But sure, it is way way better, to not be in a situation where anger is the last resort - and in all normal (social) situations, anger is dangerous. The idea is is to be in control of your body - and not your emotions controlling you.

So I am with the Inuit with this approach:

"When they're little, it doesn't help to raise your voice," she says. "It will just make your own heart rate go up."

When you meet anger with anger, the fire only goes stronger.

Children mainly learn by observing the elders. If they resolve their conflicts with anger - they will mimic it. If they see the elders being calm, that is what they will learn. And if they learn, that they will get what they want, if they throw a tantrum - then this is what they will do more in the future. Consequence is key here.

But I am very sceptical about the bad stories. They don't help I think.

What helps is channeling the anger with martial arts for example. There you can learn to feel the anger raising, after you get a hit - but not become blinded by it. You stay cool. And in control.

edit: what works best when my children have their heads hot - literally cooling them with a bit of water