Because most men can't admit they need purpose or what's lacking. Therapy isn't the cliché of bawling into your therapist's shoulders (although it can be that). It's often them telling and pointing out to you what others, including friends, won't. And an experienced professional can be excellent at bringing that out. It's also not for everybody, but often the most hostile people to it are the ones who'd benefit the most.
From what I've gathered in his post, this guy needs to be told he pushes people away and has trouble forming non-professional relationships (platonic and romantic) as well as as a deep seated desire to be liked, which he can't get out of a professional setting that he was at the top of. But it could also be much more deep than that.
Of course, finding the right therapist is like finding the right mechanical keyboard. You'll go through tons you hate before you find the right one.
Many people, myself included, are skeptical of "therapy" and do not automatically consider its practicioners to be legitimate authorities. These are people who need a job just the same as you, and this is the one they landed in. Whether they do anybody any good is hard to say.
One source of skepticism is that they are not really invested in you. If you succeed or if you fail, if you're happy or if you're sad, what's it really to them? Will they have to live with the consequences? At least in a relationship the "therapist" maybe "has some shares" in the other person. (Granted, you can also reverse the logic, e.g., "my parents didn't pay attention to my happiness and just pushed me to become a doctor" / "my wife just wanted me to have money because she wanted to spend it".) This is also why I am skeptical of startup advisors: I'm sure they mean well, but, if you really don't know what you're doing, it's probably better to be an employee for a while, under a boss who succeeds only when you succeed.
Another is that, when I hear therapistic language, a lot seems to embed assumptions of omnipresent psychic violence, and this disturbs me. Perhaps there are people who truly are trapped in situations of "psychological abuse", "gaslighting", and so-on, but my sense is that these words usually become weapons that people wave around, as they adopt darker and darker interpretations of their own, imperfect but basically good, relationships. Then the cynic in me says: Wouldn't causing people to reject their "organic" relationships, create dependence on the relationship with the therapist?
That "therapy" grew out of psychology also is grounds for caution, to me. There is an underlying manipulativeness in the field. Many of the famous experiments, stories of which attract students into the field, were quite manipulative. Some of the core theories of psychology that you learn in school, like operant conditioning, are fairly inhumane. If this is the ground that you build on, what kind of structure do you get? Who is attracted to the field to begin with?
Also, the very fact that the meme is gendered tells you something. Sure, men don't trust therapists, any more than college-educated women trust bearded imams. If a whole school of thought seems somehow not to be on your side, you're not going to trust it. (And I do not mean to imply that to be "college-educated" is ideology-neutral, or that the hypothetical imam is not actually on the hypothetical woman's side.)
...
In the context of this blog post, though, I kind of get it. The guy literally climbed, if not Everest, then some similar peak in the Himalayas. So when you focus on that it's kind of funny.
I'm not sure how what he's doing is "wrong" and what other thing he could be doing would be "right" though. What is the therapist going to tell him to do, and why would that thing be superior to climbing mountains at random? Does existential angst even have a solution?
...
Some of the religions have their own answers, which would encourage different behavior, I suppose. E.g.:
a.)
> 36 Master, which is the great commandment in the law?
> 37 Jesus said unto him, Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind.
> 38 This is the first and great commandment.
> 39 And the second is like unto it, Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself.
> 40 On these two commandments hang all the law and the prophets.
If the author of the blog repeated the second half of verse 39 to himself over and over, he might do something different. You do pushups, you develop muscles. You repeat mantras, and, if those mantras are really meaningful, you can shape your own mind.
Or, the works of mercy:
> feed the hungry, give drink to the thirsty, clothe the naked, shelter the homeless, care for the sick, visit the imprisoned, bury the dead
> admonish the sinner, instruct the ignorant, counsel the doubtful, bear wrongs patiently, forgive offenses willingly, comfort the afflicted, pray for the living and the dead
Add in Galatians 3:28 and you've got the high points of Christianity. If you take the words seriously they can affect how you think and what you do: "Right thought, right speech, right action".
One virtue that it emphasized, which is not emphasized to the same degree in Christianity, is honesty. Yes, Christianity inherits the Ten Commandments (which are actually good), but "thou shalt not bear false witness" seems like a somewhat more narrow thing. In much the same way that "though shalt not kill" is really, debatably, the more limited "though shalt not murder". Indeed, Jainism seems to go further than Christianity in many respects. Those virtues, by the way, are (per the previously-linked text):
> 2. Mardava - Tenderness or Humility (To observe the virtue of humility subduing vanity and passions.)
> 3. Arjaya - Straight-forwardness or Honesty (To practice a deceit free conduct in life by vanquishing the passion of deception.)
> 4. Shaucha - Contentment or Purity (To keep the body, mind and speech pure by discarding greed.
> 5. Satya - Truthfulness (To speak affectionate and just words with a holy intention causing no injury to any living being.)
> 6. Sanyam - Self-restraint (To defend all living beings with utmost power in a cosmopolitan spirit abstaining from all the pleasures provided by the five senses - touch, taste, smell, sight, and hearing; and the sixth - mind.)
> 7. Tapa - Penance or Austerities (To practice austerities putting a check on all worldly
allurements.)
> 8. Tyaga - Renunciation (To give four fold charities - Ahara (food), Abhaya (fearlessness), Aushadha (medicine), and Shastra Dana (distribution of Holy Scriptures), and to patronize social and religious institutions for self and other uplifts.)
> 9. Akinchanya - Non-attachment (To enhance faith in the real self as against non-self i.e., material objects; and to discard internal Parigraha viz. anger and pride; and external Parigraha viz. accumulation of gold, diamonds, and royal treasures.)
> 10. Brahmacarya - Chastity or celibacy (To observe the great vow of celibacy; to have devotion for the inner soul and the omniscient Lord; to discard the carnal desires, vulgar fashions, child and old-age marriages, dowry dominated marriages, polygamy, criminal assault on ladies, use of foul and vulgar language)
In particular, I note both Arjaya and Satya.
(A new thing to me, that I notice now, is the inclusion of abhaya (fearlessness) as a kind of tyaga -- a kind of renunciation, a giving-away, a charity. This is food for thought.)
(And personally I would moderate Sanyam.)
My point is, if one needs direction, perhaps these are where one should be looking?
Depression doesn't care about how mundane your problems are. Some people have horrible things happening to them and they don't get depressed - while others struggle with common setbacks that everyone experiences.
IMHO, the author sounds like he's missing a lot of perspective on things, and talking to other people could help with that - preferably even in a group setting.
Victor Frankl, psychotherapist, wrote "Man's Search for Meaning" in which he propones "logotherapy", which is literally a therapeutic regimen based on finding meaning.
What's with this therapy industrial complex?
Men need purpose not some consoling words.
Because most men can't admit they need purpose or what's lacking. Therapy isn't the cliché of bawling into your therapist's shoulders (although it can be that). It's often them telling and pointing out to you what others, including friends, won't. And an experienced professional can be excellent at bringing that out. It's also not for everybody, but often the most hostile people to it are the ones who'd benefit the most.
From what I've gathered in his post, this guy needs to be told he pushes people away and has trouble forming non-professional relationships (platonic and romantic) as well as as a deep seated desire to be liked, which he can't get out of a professional setting that he was at the top of. But it could also be much more deep than that.
Of course, finding the right therapist is like finding the right mechanical keyboard. You'll go through tons you hate before you find the right one.
The purpose of therapy is not "consoling words".
[dead]
It seems you've not been to a good therapist.
Many people, myself included, are skeptical of "therapy" and do not automatically consider its practicioners to be legitimate authorities. These are people who need a job just the same as you, and this is the one they landed in. Whether they do anybody any good is hard to say.
One source of skepticism is that they are not really invested in you. If you succeed or if you fail, if you're happy or if you're sad, what's it really to them? Will they have to live with the consequences? At least in a relationship the "therapist" maybe "has some shares" in the other person. (Granted, you can also reverse the logic, e.g., "my parents didn't pay attention to my happiness and just pushed me to become a doctor" / "my wife just wanted me to have money because she wanted to spend it".) This is also why I am skeptical of startup advisors: I'm sure they mean well, but, if you really don't know what you're doing, it's probably better to be an employee for a while, under a boss who succeeds only when you succeed.
Another is that, when I hear therapistic language, a lot seems to embed assumptions of omnipresent psychic violence, and this disturbs me. Perhaps there are people who truly are trapped in situations of "psychological abuse", "gaslighting", and so-on, but my sense is that these words usually become weapons that people wave around, as they adopt darker and darker interpretations of their own, imperfect but basically good, relationships. Then the cynic in me says: Wouldn't causing people to reject their "organic" relationships, create dependence on the relationship with the therapist?
That "therapy" grew out of psychology also is grounds for caution, to me. There is an underlying manipulativeness in the field. Many of the famous experiments, stories of which attract students into the field, were quite manipulative. Some of the core theories of psychology that you learn in school, like operant conditioning, are fairly inhumane. If this is the ground that you build on, what kind of structure do you get? Who is attracted to the field to begin with?
Also, the very fact that the meme is gendered tells you something. Sure, men don't trust therapists, any more than college-educated women trust bearded imams. If a whole school of thought seems somehow not to be on your side, you're not going to trust it. (And I do not mean to imply that to be "college-educated" is ideology-neutral, or that the hypothetical imam is not actually on the hypothetical woman's side.)
...
In the context of this blog post, though, I kind of get it. The guy literally climbed, if not Everest, then some similar peak in the Himalayas. So when you focus on that it's kind of funny.
I'm not sure how what he's doing is "wrong" and what other thing he could be doing would be "right" though. What is the therapist going to tell him to do, and why would that thing be superior to climbing mountains at random? Does existential angst even have a solution?
...
Some of the religions have their own answers, which would encourage different behavior, I suppose. E.g.:
a.)
> 36 Master, which is the great commandment in the law?
> 37 Jesus said unto him, Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind.
> 38 This is the first and great commandment.
> 39 And the second is like unto it, Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself.
> 40 On these two commandments hang all the law and the prophets.
If the author of the blog repeated the second half of verse 39 to himself over and over, he might do something different. You do pushups, you develop muscles. You repeat mantras, and, if those mantras are really meaningful, you can shape your own mind.
Or, the works of mercy:
> feed the hungry, give drink to the thirsty, clothe the naked, shelter the homeless, care for the sick, visit the imprisoned, bury the dead
> admonish the sinner, instruct the ignorant, counsel the doubtful, bear wrongs patiently, forgive offenses willingly, comfort the afflicted, pray for the living and the dead
Add in Galatians 3:28 and you've got the high points of Christianity. If you take the words seriously they can affect how you think and what you do: "Right thought, right speech, right action".
b.)
I recall also once reading a Jain text and seeing the Ten Virtues, and reflecting on them altered my behavior at the time, in a positive way. These can be found e.g. here: https://jainworld.jainworld.com/pdf/Ten%20Universal%20Virtue...
One virtue that it emphasized, which is not emphasized to the same degree in Christianity, is honesty. Yes, Christianity inherits the Ten Commandments (which are actually good), but "thou shalt not bear false witness" seems like a somewhat more narrow thing. In much the same way that "though shalt not kill" is really, debatably, the more limited "though shalt not murder". Indeed, Jainism seems to go further than Christianity in many respects. Those virtues, by the way, are (per the previously-linked text):
> 1. Uttama Kshama - Supreme Forgiveness (To observe tolerance whole-heartedly, shunning anger.)
> 2. Mardava - Tenderness or Humility (To observe the virtue of humility subduing vanity and passions.)
> 3. Arjaya - Straight-forwardness or Honesty (To practice a deceit free conduct in life by vanquishing the passion of deception.)
> 4. Shaucha - Contentment or Purity (To keep the body, mind and speech pure by discarding greed.
> 5. Satya - Truthfulness (To speak affectionate and just words with a holy intention causing no injury to any living being.)
> 6. Sanyam - Self-restraint (To defend all living beings with utmost power in a cosmopolitan spirit abstaining from all the pleasures provided by the five senses - touch, taste, smell, sight, and hearing; and the sixth - mind.)
> 7. Tapa - Penance or Austerities (To practice austerities putting a check on all worldly allurements.)
> 8. Tyaga - Renunciation (To give four fold charities - Ahara (food), Abhaya (fearlessness), Aushadha (medicine), and Shastra Dana (distribution of Holy Scriptures), and to patronize social and religious institutions for self and other uplifts.)
> 9. Akinchanya - Non-attachment (To enhance faith in the real self as against non-self i.e., material objects; and to discard internal Parigraha viz. anger and pride; and external Parigraha viz. accumulation of gold, diamonds, and royal treasures.)
> 10. Brahmacarya - Chastity or celibacy (To observe the great vow of celibacy; to have devotion for the inner soul and the omniscient Lord; to discard the carnal desires, vulgar fashions, child and old-age marriages, dowry dominated marriages, polygamy, criminal assault on ladies, use of foul and vulgar language)
In particular, I note both Arjaya and Satya.
(A new thing to me, that I notice now, is the inclusion of abhaya (fearlessness) as a kind of tyaga -- a kind of renunciation, a giving-away, a charity. This is food for thought.)
(And personally I would moderate Sanyam.)
My point is, if one needs direction, perhaps these are where one should be looking?
Just miscellaneous thoughts.
Going to therapy when all your problems are this mundane would be like going to open heart surgegy because you heartrate got slightly elevated.
People need meaning, not therapy. Meaning used to be provided by religion and philosophy. Religion is diminishing and philosophy is too difficult.
Depression doesn't care about how mundane your problems are. Some people have horrible things happening to them and they don't get depressed - while others struggle with common setbacks that everyone experiences.
IMHO, the author sounds like he's missing a lot of perspective on things, and talking to other people could help with that - preferably even in a group setting.
Victor Frankl, psychotherapist, wrote "Man's Search for Meaning" in which he propones "logotherapy", which is literally a therapeutic regimen based on finding meaning.
Therapy is more like a physical trainer but for your brain crossed with your primary care doctor, not open heart surgery.
Philosophy, frankly, also only provides questions, not answers.