Comment by Carrok
4 days ago
I was an outcast as a kid, and this was years before social media. I think I turned out alright regardless. Your social status as a pre-adult doesn't really matter at all once you join the real world.
That and I think kids not having any social media will become more and more common, so it's not going to be that big a deal.
But if you blame your parents' or guardians' overly restrictive dogma for your outcast status then it will likely turn into lifelong resentment. Would you want your kid to resent you?
The better alternative is to explore the net together with your children and show them that there is a world beyond typical social media which is far more interesting and rewarding to explore. Encourage them to foster trust and strong relationships with people from around the world.
> But if you blame your parents or guardians' overly restrictive dogma for your outcast status then it will likely turn into lifelong resentment. Would you want your kid to resent you?
That's not a good reason. Would you let your kid take up smoking, because they'd resent you if you said no?
Also: My parents wouldn't let me drive until at least a year after my peers got their licenses. I didn't like it, but I don't harbor a "lifelong resentment."
That is assuming socials are as dangerous as smoking.
Now they have their dangers of addiction, but that can indeed be worked out. As a safeguard, a rate limit filter is what I would recommend. Perhaps one that can recognize roughly the kind of content watched, so you can have a relevant talk.
The self esteem and self-dox part can be really dealt with by actually doing the thing together. Otherwise you will be at the mercy of peers. Don't kid yourself about how powerful your influence is.
It is absolutely not true that placing limits on your child will create lifelong resentment. This is an irrational fear on the parents’ part.
This bold and vague claim is easily countered by my own datapoint as someone who continues to deeply resent the restrictions placed upon them in an extremely dogmatic household. Not everyone is given guardians who have their best interest at heart.
My computer usage was surveilled and highly limited. My guardians feared the knowledge I could access via the internet. No personal computer, no television in my room. All media verified for dogmatic adherence before consumption. Personal belongings frequently searched and thrown away or broken. Any significant amount of money I saved up, stolen. I didn't even get to have a door for long stretches of time. I was surveilled by a network of narcissistic adults whose main interests were turning me into a good little Christian boy.
shrug I have an opinion about my mother, but not for one second do I doubt that she was making the best call she could make given the information she had at hand. How you feel passes, but the consequences of raising an idiot last yet another generation.
>Your social status as a pre-adult doesn't really matter at all once you join the real world.
Trauma stays.
No it doesn't. I was nerdy and "low status" in school. I laugh at most of the silly stuff I did or was done to me in school. I don't get the mentality of holding onto all that stuff forever.
That’s good for you. I’m the same, but… we’re here puttering around HN aren’t we? The ones that are not can’t really weigh in to offer a contrary opinion.
I was nerdy in school-- not necessarily "low status," because good grades were seen as good in my schools, but my social life was dangerously small and my self-esteem was trashed (in a "cover it up with arrogance to pretend it's by choice" kind of way). I am somewhat better today than I was then, but I'm still an incredibly unhappy person, and I trace many of the poor patterns I struggle to break out of to how I grew up.
"Leaving it all behind" is, to me, a cope that either pays off if you end up getting what you want later, or that doesn't and leaves you back where you started. Most importantly, every individual is different (or so I'm told), so just because it's worked for you doesn't mean it should be relied on.
As someone who was bullied in middle school (highlight includes being held down by 2 guys while someone else peed on me), trauma does stay.
I mean, I'm a relatively well balanced individual, I have a job, a family etc... But that doesn't mean that I didn't have to have therapy over it, that I didn't commit self harm and that I didn't experience trauma.
I'd rather my son not be a social outcast and experience that. And I do think that past a certain age, there's a need to conform a bit to society in order to integrate with it even if that means using social media at that age. That'll be with my guidance and strict limits but I don't think total abstinence is a solution.
> Your social status as a pre-adult doesn't really matter at all once you join the real world.
The way you feel during that time does though. It decides who you are as an adult.
but your competency and how you communicate does.
Are you implying that children need social media to develop competency and communication skills?
If all of your peers are talking about the stuff they saw on YouTube, but you’re not allowed to, this will naturally make you an outcast in that topic. Now, if almost everything they talk about in the internet, and you cannot relate to it at all, it will hinder your interpersonal skills, because you just don’t talk to your peers.
I hate how we got here, but watching my nephews go through this stuff made me realize you can’t cut the kids off completely. Ideally, you would live in a community where all parents have agreed on the social media limits, and slowly get the kids see how others function through it as well.
20 replies →