Comment by xianshou
9 months ago
Bravo! Planning your life in order to minimize deathbed regrets has always bothered me, because the nature of humanity is to want what it hasn't got. If you assume that, on average, people make correct decisions to work hard and pursue what matters to them at the opportunity cost of not enjoying quite enough free time, then their final wishes will naturally include the time they gave up to live the life they had. If, however, they had fully indulged the desire to enjoy and maximize free time, their wishes might instead have revolved around the unfulfilled potential thereby relinquished.
The problem, of course, is that the feeling of regret considers what may have been gained without reflecting on what would have been lost.
Now the right way to deal with this is some sort of self-consistent closure, where present you and past you with the same values and access to the same information (which could be anything from zero to complete knowledge of then-future outcomes and downstream effects) would make the same choices including both upside and downside. But that would be too complex for motivational advice, which is primarily about creating an inspirational mood, somewhat about positive first-order consequences, and not even a little bit about recursive self-consistency.
I doubt that the reflex to want what we don't have is in our nature. It wouldn't be selected for. That's how you kill off the herd in the spring and starve the following winter.
We work to ensure that others want what they don't have because we've built systems that rely on them continuing to do so. It creates a sort of logic that defines for us what counts as rational behavior. But when that logic meets another one and they each evaluate the other as irrational, there's no reason to expect that the want-what-you-dont-have logic is somehow more valid. If it seems so, it's just that more of us are under its spell than the other.