Comment by jimmydddd
6 months ago
Agreed. Over the years I've touched base with folks who helped me out at crucial times and they didn't even remember the incident. Like one time when I was not offered a job after an internship, this senior guy stepped in and made sure they gave me an offer. I thanked him 20 years later for helping me get my start. He just said, "Really? I don't recall that, but glad I could help." So paying it forward is probably the best strategy.
I think in some cases it's because the type of person who would go above & beyond to help just naturally does this as their normal course of business. It is routine behavior for them, and each act is not memorable.
Yep. And we should all strive to be that sort of person.
Exactly - be that person to others, rather than (or in addition to) trying to find your helpers 20 years later.
I had some time in a non-tech gatekeeping position and was able to help a bunch of people, who occasionally thank me for it, and I generally don't remember the details at all, and it's nice and all to be thanked, but I was just doing it because it was the right thing to do. On the other hand I'd be absolutely psyched to hear they were doing it for someone else -- that would put a huge smile on my face.
People who have developed a life pattern of helping other people without any expectation of reciprocal help; often don't remember many of the specific acts of kindness they performed.
His response to your thanking him was perfect.
Yeah, I used to have a similar drive as OP where I thought some sort of grand gesture was in order towards various people in my life. And I can't think of a single time it particularly paid off.
It's not like they go "ah yes, just what I deserve!"
If anything, it puts them in a confusing or uncomfortable position.
I get it now. But if you have people to thank, call them and make it short and sweet. But don't do the big gesture.