Comment by CPLX
5 days ago
I have had this thought too, but not sure I would phrase it the same way. For context I'm an older father who had kids mid-40's and had a lot of time to try life the other way, and a lot of time to observe friends life paths beforehand.
The reality is that family, and especially kids, are just better and more rewarding than anything else. That's the part I think gets lost in the narrative. Needless to say there have to be exceptions to that, and maybe you or someone reading this is one of them.
But in general, that's the reality. I was kind of surprised by it, even though everyone had told me variations on this story for decades. I think it's a little bit impossible to understand just how wonderful it is to spend time with your own children, and help and watch them grow, until you start doing it.
I always thought I had no interest in kids. Turns out I just don't like other people's kids much. Still don't really, it's not like I'm going to go play with other kids for fun, or be a school teacher or coach or something. But that's not the same thing at all. If you don't have kids the reality is there's nothing in your life you can extrapolate from to actually understand what it feels like.
In addition to that, as you get older you realize that most intellectual interests and passions aren't going to ultimately be meaningful to anyone.
That's fine, it's not what they're for. But every year it gets a little more impossible to delude yourself into thinking that somehow you're going to transcend the relatively mundane reality you're actually in. Your train set, or collectible collection, or whatever it is, isn't going to have enduring value, to anyone. Again, that's fine.
Perspectives change. Sometimes it makes me sad, and I wish I could have the delusions of youth back, and think that I was so close to the big breakthrough where it would all click.
It's natural to miss all that. But being older is pretty great too.
Thanks. I think whether I feel good or bad about the change, I just have to get used to it. I'm definitely getting used to it, like I'm now perfectly fine playing games every day instead of doing anything productive, while scrolling back 5 years this is going to alert me after 2-3 days of gaming.
> In addition to that, as you get older you realize that most intellectual interests and passions aren't going to ultimately be meaningful to anyone.
I agree with this. But I still feel that I have some intellectual pursuits that I'd like to try out (e.g. going back to school and hopefully get a PHD on something I care about) before going into the venue of vanity. I kinda think it's cool to throw out tons of intellectual shit when my kid and friends are around. Like, talking Astronomy for hours during a camping trip, or picking up a rock and talking about the fossil embedded for hours, which is going to be super cool. David Attenborough has always been my role model as a knowledgeable father who can talk shit for hours without stop. I don't really need a PHD for many of these as most is about being knowledgeable, but you get what I'm saying.
> Perspectives change. Sometimes it makes me sad, and I wish I could have the delusions of youth back, and think that I was so close to the big breakthrough where it would all click.
Yeah. I'm in the sad state right now. Hopefully I'm going to get used to it. I actually don't care too much about big breakthrough because I knew from early on I'm not made of it. I'm more into keep exploring the universe by whatever means until I die. I just don't want to settle down. I told my kid, my wife and my friends that the best way to die is to die on something one feels passionate about. That's why family and kid give me more meh than wow. But it is just me, so I totally get why other people don't get it.