Comment by munificent
2 days ago
> Why is it so hard to unpack, even a little bit?
I think a major part of the reason is we like thinking about the packed thing. I'm sure that most people who fantasize about owning a coffee shop will never do so and probably deep down know they'll never do so. But the fantasizing itself is a pleasurable activity. Unpacking the job bursts that bubble and ends the enjoyable fantasy.
It takes a lot of self awareness to be mindful and deliberate about when you are planning (which requires unpacking and can be unpleasant but may be ultimately useful) and when you're fantasizing (which is deliberately low stakes and enjoyable but will not materially affect your life).
It's very easy to get stuck in the trap of fantasizing while falsely believing you are planning.
I've been dating recently and I think planning dates is mostly fantasizing.
I plan the time, place and activities, imagine things to discuss, how I feel, how other person might feel. Everything feels well thought out and detailed, unpacked.
But it never realizes quite like that, plans get cancelled, places are closed, feelings have changed, discussions are sidetracked or don't feel right. It's all revealed to be a fantasy.
I don't mean you shouldn't try to plan, but unpacking can also be fantasy as much as the packed thing is.