Comment by hollerith
2 days ago
I read the parent of the comment I replied to, but I didn't read the OP, and maybe everyone who writes a comment should read the OP.
Having not read the OP (still), I believe that most women -- most extremely young women even -- would expect a sexual advance in the situation described in your quote.
I'm not commenting in any way on whether the man deserves any consequences that might have befallen him for any sexual advance or sexual behavior after having made the invitation described in your quote.
I'm commenting only on, "Maybe there's mismatched expectations," which I (still, after reading your quote, and not having read the OP) consider quite unlikely.
I understand and to an extent agree with what you're saying--by the end of that quote, I think that's a reasonable expectation.
But we are reading that whole sequence at once, whereas in reality a journey elapsed to get there and I think the context matters.
If I'm in a hotel bar and I get invited up to a hotel room, that's a fairly clear signal (though maybe she's Canadian and just being polite [0]).
But if I want to attend a conference recommended by an advisor/mentor, and they suggest we share an Airbnb and that we can include additional attendees, that framing would be very different to me. At that point in the story I do not have the same expectation.
So I agree that ending is a red flag, but I think it's different when you've built up a context from prior information--one that specifically dissuades that interpretation--vs. getting it all at once as we do here. Now instead of starting at zero, you have to actively change your mind and overcome the inertia of that initial interpretation.
I'm also going to go out on a limb and suggest that participants in a programming conference, in aggregate, might not have exceptional emotional development. That casually explained is tongue in cheek but, I'm sure it resonates with a lot of people.
[0][https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=xa-4IAR_9Yw]
I'll also point out that this is written in hindsight, when the author clearly does have a different understanding now, and is framing it accordingly.