Comment by tonyarkles
4 months ago
Late diagnosis here (38 when diagnosed, now 42)… I agree with everything you said. I had an amazing set of systems and coping mechanisms in place to get through life without realizing I was playing the game on hard mode. In retrospect, the signs were all there my whole life but I just hadn’t had the realization.
Now that I’m medicated (methylphenidate), I still lean on those systems but they serve me very very well. I remember details much better than I did, but don’t always remember them long-term. The note taking system and habit that I developed years ago is now… supercharged because I am so much better about keeping good notes.
On the coffee/meds thing, I agree. I don’t get a buzz from the medication the way I do from coffee, but before my diagnosis I was drinking a ridiculous amount of coffee every day just to stay focused, with the associated buzz and jitters. I still have a cup or two of coffee in the morning, but drinking anywhere near as much as I used to is pretty much unbearable.
Wow I could have wrote this exactly excepy for a 1 year difference in diagnosis.
It's hard to reconcile with how difficult it was previously. Life on hard mode is a term ived used too. I try to think that it was all to make me stronger for the second half of my life, but I still regularly wonder what could have been.
One of my favourite lines: “I could solve differential equations all day long, but I couldn’t remember to pay my phone bill”
To quote Ron White, "I'm smart, but you can't prove it on paper."
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Also with you (both) on this one in pretty much every way too. I'd justify hard mode that I loved challenges (and I did, just not always in the right areas).
I try not to look/think back too much - I had (sort of still have) a very successful career but the costs associated with getting there were and are still being paid for.
Getting treatment and therapy has really helped improve my ability to be present, though still such a battle.