Comment by acuozzo

> How do I understand what is important?

Operate under the assumption that the person on the other side of the conversation is under the delusion that every sentence they produce is gold.

Active listening = free points. Everyone wants to feel heard.

> but a struggling person might as well ask how they liked Sweden.

And sometimes this is the right question to ask, especially if the party on the other side of the conversation is giving cues suggesting that their memory of the accident is a painful one.

> I really struggled to even notice when it's "my turn" to talk.

Even highly-experienced conversationalists get this wrong at times. Sometimes the person with whom you're speaking has a weird cadence or is uncomfortable or...

---

Look, this is hard work. This requires literally years of deliberate practice, especially if you're on the Autism spectrum as both myself and my son are.

You will make mistakes. You will offend people. You will get depressed about having no charm/charisma. You will feel like the alien in the room.

Keep pushing forward. Force yourself to actively listen to conversations. Watch movies with magnetic characters and try to emulate their demeanor.

Don't beat yourself up. Embrace being the weird person for a while and find a group of weirdos just a bit less weird than yourself. Be vulnerable with them and get yourself a mentor. People, in my experience, love mentoring/teaching.

Just keep doing it. When you get good, it will pay dividends.