{"id":46068909,"user":"squigz","time":1764248954,"time_ago":"3 days ago","type":"comment","content":"

Not everyone's partner is that shallow.","comments":[{"id":46068952,"user":"akimbostrawman","time":1764249315,"time_ago":"3 days ago","type":"comment","content":"

Exceptions don't invalidate the rule. Everybody thinks there partner isn't right until they are.","comments":[{"id":46068980,"user":"squigz","time":1764249575,"time_ago":"3 days ago","type":"comment","content":"

Your experiences don't validate the rule, either.","comments":[{"id":46069004,"user":"akimbostrawman","time":1764249778,"time_ago":"3 days ago","type":"comment","content":"

Right I forgot we are on HN where we even need a scientific paper on "do women like weak vulnerable or strong confident men?" because nobody ever goes outside.","comments":[{"id":46069413,"user":"zozbot234","time":1764252590,"time_ago":"3 days ago","type":"comment","content":"

I bet that people who advocate for showing "vulnerability" are modeling this as a facet of strong confidence, and not opposed to it. But the thing is, if you really have reached the level of effortless confidence where that's a realistic prospect, you won't need that advice! You'll just be able to intuitively calibrate how much "vulnerability" to allow others, as a direct outcome of that strong emotional stability. Most people would probably be better off being told to be a little bit more guarded about their emotions.","comments":[{"id":46071487,"user":"squigz","time":1764265171,"time_ago":"2 days ago","type":"comment","content":"

Was I just described not only as "effortlessly confident" but also "emotionally stable"?

That's new. My crippling depressing and social anxiety will be glad to hear it!","comments":[],"comments_count":0,"level":4,"url":"item?id=46071487"}],"comments_count":1,"level":3,"url":"item?id=46069413"},{"id":46069218,"user":"TRiG_Ireland","time":1764251419,"time_ago":"3 days ago","type":"comment","content":"

I think you're working too hard to be pithy and are therefore forgetting to actually communicate.","comments":[],"comments_count":0,"level":3,"url":"item?id=46069218"},{"id":46069207,"user":"mewpmewp2","time":1764251361,"time_ago":"3 days ago","type":"comment","content":"

What are some things that make a man seem vulnerable?","comments":[],"comments_count":0,"level":3,"url":"item?id=46069207"},{"id":46069099,"user":"squigz","time":1764250554,"time_ago":"3 days ago","type":"comment","content":"

Not really, it's just that most of us are adults who have experiences with healthy adult relationships. "Is my partner going to leave me if I display emotional vulnerability" is not really a concern in healthy, adult relationships.","comments":[{"id":46069641,"user":"vintermann","time":1764254240,"time_ago":"3 days ago","type":"comment","content":"

Differences between men and women are down to the situation.

Sometimes the long situation. When a situation has lasted a long time, it sticks, and turns into culture, gender roles.

When a situation has lasted a really long time, it sticks hard, and becomes biology.

But most of the time, it's neither culture or biology which decides what men and women do. It's the immediate situation.

And even if you think it's culture, even if you think it's biology, if you don't like how men are (or how women are) you have to start with changing the immediate situation. The others will follow - eventually.","comments":[],"comments_count":0,"level":4,"url":"item?id=46069641"},{"id":46069118,"user":"akimbostrawman","time":1764250706,"time_ago":"3 days ago","type":"comment","content":"

An actual adult realizes the real world differences between "should not" and "will not".","comments":[{"id":46069147,"user":"squigz","time":1764250904,"time_ago":"3 days ago","type":"comment","content":"

I'm not sure what this is trying to say? Can you elaborate please?","comments":[{"id":46070833,"user":"lazide","time":1764261288,"time_ago":"2 days ago","type":"comment","content":"

One is ‘I wish’. The other is ‘won’t happen’.","comments":[],"comments_count":0,"level":6,"url":"item?id=46070833"}],"comments_count":1,"level":5,"url":"item?id=46069147"}],"comments_count":2,"level":4,"url":"item?id=46069118"}],"comments_count":4,"level":3,"url":"item?id=46069099"}],"comments_count":9,"level":2,"url":"item?id=46069004"}],"comments_count":10,"level":1,"url":"item?id=46068980"}],"comments_count":11,"level":0,"url":"item?id=46068952"}],"comments_count":12,"url":"item?id=46068909"}

Comment by squigz