Comment by make3
2 months ago
I don't know if I'm the only one, but 30 strong friends sounds insane to me. You're a lucky human to have the personality and skills to achieve that.
2 months ago
I don't know if I'm the only one, but 30 strong friends sounds insane to me. You're a lucky human to have the personality and skills to achieve that.
Absolutely, and I try to keep that in mind. I tried to explicitly indicate that it's not a homogeneous group, not in terms of longevity, ethnic background, common ground, age, location, or frequency, although they are mostly the same sex among my closest friends. I try to just start small, open myself up to new experiences and people, and then identify when we have good chemistry, which takes a bit of personal honesty. For every good friend, I have probably 3 acquaintances that I also see regularly in group settings but not super close, and some of those that might have become close friends but dropped off for whatever reason.
They're people that I've known typically for at least 2 years, I trust, and I'd be able to DM for a hangout, drink with, engage in a variety of common interests together, we can roast each other and be toxic and give each other a pass as long as it's all in good humor.
The skills and traits that make me reasonably good at that don't help me in the kinds of activities that make people boring and successful in a nostalgic middle class suburbia sense, so it has tradeoffs, and it's not always easy, but it averages out to easy. I used to be very shy, and probably wouldn't be this way if I'd stayed in my hometown where everyone just stays away from each other and knows their high school mates. I live in a relatively expensive city, don't have a car or a house, or kids, or many physical assets. I'm employed, but probably have not been for more than half of my adult life, and I rent.
Spreading myself too thin beyond that isn't really sustainable until there's a good foundation of trust built and it's not as necessary to see each other every week. Some older friends I see once a year, others I've seen 4 times this week due to holiday parties, and some are people I know in my community. Events and lots of socializing come in bursts and it can be tiring, so I'll just dip out for a while and refresh when necessary, which I'm currently looking forward to, but have a wedding and a birthday coming up in the next 3 days lol
Incidentally, I've also never once known my immediate neighbors beyond a brief few conversations.