Comment by curtisblaine
1 month ago
I'm a guesser. What is the correct negative response to the asker in the article? 1. "No", without further elaboration 2. "No", followed by a graceful excuse 3. "No, I don't want you in my house because I can't be bothered to share my space with you" I always found that 3 is too aggressive, and 1 and 2 trigger the asker working around the issue (asking why not, or trying to "solve" the graceful excuse). Being aggressive is ok, but sometimes it's bad (for example, if the balance of power is skewed in the relationship)
From the other replies in the thread, it seems like there is a contingent of people who believe that if someone doesn't take the first "no" as a final "no" then they are no-true-asker, and instead is just an asshole.
In my life I've never met an asker who took no as final. Maybe they said they respected it, but at least they wanted to understand why not and what could they do to help me make it a yes. At that point you're not just asking, you're wasting my time.