Comment by kranner
4 hours ago
Similar story here but for ADHD and Atomoxetine.
I finally went and got diagnosed at age 46 for what had been an childhood-onset issue in retrospect. All the signs were there: inability to start work until enough challenge or novelty or a state of crisis had come about, etc. When I spoke to friends about considering treatment, they said they thought of me as a hyperfocus kind of person. But they didn't see how many support systems I had put in place to function normally, how I saw others around me just doing things while I had to work myself up to start and then keep checking and double-checking for the silly inattentive mistakes I knew from experience I would keep making.
I've had a meditation practice for a long time and it has helped with anxiety but it hasn't really helped with getting started on tasks, especially those perceived as boring. I even had to psych myself up to sit down and start meditating, even though I knew I would enjoy it.
I didn't know until a year or two ago that non-stimulant medication existed to treat ADHD. I always thought it was only Adderall and the like, and I couldn't risk anything that would ramp my anxiety up, or take additional treatment for the anxiety with SSRIs because I have severe hemophilia and any additional risk of bleeding from SSRIs was an untenable proposition.
After sitting on the idea for some time and just hoping that I could fix it with more meditation, I finally decided to see a psychiatrist. The doctor suggested Atomoxetine, but said it doesn't work for most people and even then takes 3-4 weeks to take full effect. I started on the absurdly low dose of 10mg/day for the first month to be sure it wouldn't cause additional bleeds. By day 3 I could see a huge improvement in my working memory and ability to perform tasks. It gave me insomnia for a bit but I would wake up at 3 AM, sit down happily to work and write the best code I've written in years. I could not believe the difference it made. There were quite a few side effects initially but I was willing to put up with them because of how smoothly my brain was functioning. I became a nicer person to deal with. I felt this sense of possibility and freedom that I haven't felt since my 20s. My only regret is not having done this sooner.
So yeah, please don't avoid medication based on internet reading.
Similar. I was on stimulants as a kid and hated them as they did nothing but make me feel high then taper off leaving me exhausted. Nevermind the total loss of appetite. Later on as an adult I obtained adderall from a friend and experimented with it and it seemingly worked for a few days but it never stopped the intrusive thoughts or help with the anxiety. In fact all I did was chase a high with cup after cup of coffee when coming down. That put me off to meds for a long time.
More recently I was on a vacation where I took mushrooms and had a nice trip. Two days later at work I felt very relaxed driving in and sat at my desk BUT something was wrong, my head was dead quiet (the GP explained this exactly like I would.) So quiet that for a second I had a bit of panic as I thought something was wrong. Then something wonderful happened: I realized I was able to just do my work. There was no stress, no worry, no nothing. Just a calm quiet confidence to get the job done. Best day of my life.
After that I called a mental health center and connected with an ADHD specialist who has been working with me. I am also on Atomoxetine myself and while it has not brought me back to that zen head space it brings me close enough. My only gripe is at a higher dose it gives me sensations in my head. However, I learned that eating a proper breakfast helps a lot as I was taking it on a near empty stomach. Overall my life has been slowly improving and I feel more confident at work.
> So yeah, please don't avoid medication based on internet reading.
This - 100%