Comment by atoav
11 hours ago
It was a textbook example of the double contingency of communication¹. In communications it doesn't only matter what each side is objectively saying. It matters what the other side expects them to hear. And that goes both ways.
In this case the interviewer asked these questions to get to know the candidate in a professional setting, so they expected a diplomatic or professional answer. The candidate however misjudged the interviewer intention behind the questions, took them literally and answered them truthfully. Neither of these people is technically sporting a wrong position, yet the communication broke down.
That being said, the idea that you can choose not to talk about certain things is pretty basal when it comes to communications. If you have a trauma nobody can force you to talk about it and you should also not talk to everybody and their dog about it (and I know people who constantly do this and have a tendency to regret it afterwards). It costs you nothing to say that you can't think of any specific day, or talk about a day where a old boss at a shitty student job abused you, to frame it in work terms. To talk strategically or diplomatically is a skill that is needed in many positions. And that candidate displayed a total lack of that ability.
That being said I am not particularly fond of that type of question myself. Both as an the person carrying out an interview and the person going to one. I am more interested to see how a person tackles certain situations than to have them tell me stories about it.
¹: see https://www.orientation-philosophy.com/glossary/double-conti...
This interview lasted over an hour. If he was answering wrong they should have said something.
> In this case the interviewer asked these questions to get to know the candidate in a professional setting, so they expected a diplomatic or professional answer
And there is no bias in this assumption whatsoever?
No. Reread the post. This interview was specifically explained as a non-technical, cultural-fit talk, and the interviewer "gave an impression of this being a safe space". That means they said something specific to hint that this is the case.
Don't blame the poor guy who was subjected to this. You're projecting your understanding of what is normal for the interviewer and assuming that the particular interviewer didn't cross any of the lines you wouldn't. Unless you are the interviewer or know their side of the story, there is literally nothing in the post that would suggest your reading is correct.
A simpler explanation: the interviewer was an amateur psychologist with little experience in either interviewing or therapy. They asked "interesting questions," then were overwhelmed by answers they hadn't expected and couldn't gracefully handle. That's it. Please, unless you know more about that particular instance, don't reflexively blame the candidate for what looks like a series of errors on the interviewer's part.