Comment by markus_zhang
11 hours ago
When do you think the transition happens? For me (I never had very good relationship with my parents) it started from maybe Junior high school but really picked up around sophomore Senior high school when I got completely confused about life (TBF at 40+ still a bit confused).
Does that "deep meaning" come to you when you look back, or you felt it when it happened? I have to say I didn't find much meaning in all that grinding, guess that's because I'm never good with human-beings, so I'm frustrated by little tornadoes. My son is almost 6 now so there is some meaning to be found when we do things altogether, but frankly we share very few hobbies and such so it's mostly like throwing darts and see which one sticks.
But all in all, I guess I'm just the kind of person who are not good with persons and who are totally fine to be left alone. I don't even know why I get married -- guess it's just something that everyone does so I did it anyway. Hell, I've been confused by myself since high school and have never truly gotten out of that confusion.
The "deep meaning" of taking care of a young child for me is only this: putting yourself at the service of another and being needed.
One specific challenge of raising adolescents is I think precisely running into that place where they start to hit the life confusions you're speaking of, and it's in many cases like holding up a mirror to your own pains from adolescence. But this time without any agency, you're a spectator.
When they're little and they're reaching for a hot surface you can raise alarm and grab their hand and pull it away.
But you lose the ability to substantially "make" a young adult do anything. You can't stop them from skipping school. From spending all their time on their phone. From smoking weed or wasting their time on video games. Or much worse, harming themselves in any number of scary permanent ways.
You can't pull their hand away from the fire. They have the autonomy to make mistakes and something about that age... some just seem to revel in it?