Comment by johnfn
5 hours ago
This is a sharply negative interpretation of behavior of people who may be acting genuinely, if without social grace. I think few people shocked that you don't know bash are displaying that surprise as a way to keep you in the out-group - I think they are surprised.
I would argue that the real in-group/out-group behavior is excluding people who aren't naturally adept at being social.
Wow, you didn't know this kind of behavior is insulting? Crazy!
You seem to be misinterpreting my comment, which can be summarized as "be kind to others and assume best intent".
I know it was tongue in cheek, but to respond directly, intent doesn’t matter when the result is universally harmful. The recipient shouldn’t have to ignore the harm just because you didn’t mean anything by it. I can have the best possible intent when telling someone they are fat out of concern, but it doesn’t mean the result isn’t harmful.
FYI i’m slightly on the spectrum and it took me a very long time and destroyed a lot of relationships before I understood this. I used to believe similar, and even assumed good intentions most of the time. The problem is many people do not have good intentions a large percent of the time, and there were situations where I went years without realizing people were being extraordinarily mean to me who I thought were friends. either side of it, I just don’t think it’s a great philosophy.
The whole point of making it a rule is so those people can learn it and avoid accidentally putting other people down.
Is being surprised somebody doesn't know something putting them down, or is being unsurprised they are ignorant putting them down?
> Is being surprised somebody doesn't know something putting them down
Yes.
> is being unsurprised they are ignorant putting them down
Again, the whole reason to just declare this as a rule is so that you’re not put in a position to try to decide if somebody is ignorant or not. You set a social guideline, and if people break it, you point it out, and it doesn’t matter why they did it.
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