Comment by hirvi74
3 hours ago
> Consider becoming more involved with a local church. Go to services, meet people, join a Bible study.
That is contingent on actually believing in the religion, no? In my experiences, church attendees do not tend to take kindly to people attending with anterior motives.
When I was in school, I attended a few churches to meet new people. They were rather apprehensive when they learned I did not believe in any of it and was just faking it all.
> That is contingent on actually believing in the religion, no?
You're there to learn. It's called Bible study for a reason.
When I came back to church after 10 years as an avowed agnostic/atheist I didn't believe. I did listen and pay attention a lot better than I did as a child. Listening with an open mind and an unhardened heart make a difference.
There are different types of churches too. In my experience most "mega churches" truly cater to this more curious audience. It's more of the movie going experience where you can walk in like anyone else, without having to know anybody, sit down and just listen to the service. Then get up and leave without talking to anybody if you don't want to. Messages tend to be tailored to the idea that any given week you're going to have people who have never set foot in a church before in life.
When I came back, I went to one of these for about 6 years (New Spring Church in South Carolina). Eventually, I wanted more and we switched to a more traditional church with Adult Sunday School and a men's (or women's) Bible study one night a week.
Churches are welcoming places but everybody there is going to be different. If you tell somebody you don't believe, some people are going to be thankful that you're there and others aren't going to have any idea what to say. That's pretty normal. Faking it is a little different though. No reason to fake it. Just be honest that you don't believe but you're here and willing to listen.
Don’t tell them?
I’m pretty sure quite a few people who bring children to church don’t literally believe in the stuff themselves and just think the social elements and the morality are good for their children.
Were you trying to meet friends or trying to date though? If the latter I think it would feel a lot weirder.
Also if it bothers you to lie by omission I think one could come up with an explanation that wasn’t simply “I’m faking” and is more along the lines of “my grandparents were Christian and I think we lost something culturally when a lot of people stopped doing this” or something like that, assuming those are true for you. God is a metaphor, etc etc.
> Don’t tell them?
As arrogantly and incorrectly once thought in my youth, these people are not stupid. In my experiences, some, not all, can kind of pickup on it. It's usually a corroboration of mounting little slip-ups. Perhaps I am not a talented actor.
For example, I never grew up in any church systems, and the Christian bible is full of key characters and proper nouns. So, when I pronounced the name "Job" like a place of employment, it raised some eyebrows. How was I supposed to know lol?
> Were you trying to meet friends or trying to date though?
It depends on who I was interacting with. With the amount of testosterone pumping through my veins at the time, if I were interacting with an attractive female, you better believe I was trying to shoot my shot. Never caused any weirdness, but I absolutely agree it could.
> assuming those are true for you
Kind of. Half my family was nominally Christian, and the other half was persecuted and slaughtered by Christians.
I do appreciate you trying to assist in this endeavor though. I think you have made some fair points. I just wish churches were not one of the few remaining institutions for one to get this sense of community.
In my experience, Unitarian Universalists have always been very accepting of people who have come just to meet and talk.