Comment by shermantanktop
5 hours ago
Finding a label for personal problems typically results in a honeymoon of self-acceptance and relief. The honeymoon usually ends and the problems remain, but now there are possible paths forward.
5 hours ago
Finding a label for personal problems typically results in a honeymoon of self-acceptance and relief. The honeymoon usually ends and the problems remain, but now there are possible paths forward.
the best advice I've had for any sort of neurodivergence diagnosis is - "It's an explanation, not an excuse".
I try use that as a motivator to not just blame my shortcomings on ADHD and instead keep pushing myself to work through them.
There are some traps along this path, too. A number of younger people I've worked with (in the double digits now) have gotten ADHD and/or ASD diagnoses and then become overjoyed that "everything makes sense now". But the diagnoses are only useful as tools for knowing what to work on.
The trap is trying to externalize the diagnoses as a get out of jail free card that can be used to justify avoiding hard changes and difficult work. The more difficult version of this is when someone tries to externalize the responsibilities of their diagnosis on others. I've seen a couple situations where someone got an ADHD diagnosis and then took it straight to their employers expecting to receive more forgiveness for late work and mistakes, then getting angry when it didn't change their company's expectations. It's a hard conversation to have with someone who thinks the diagnosis is going to relieve the weight of all the problems they've been facing, when in fact it's only helpful for identifying what they need to work even harder on improving and coping with.
> The trap is trying to externalize the diagnoses as a get out of jail free card that can be used to justify avoiding hard changes and difficult work.
This is one reason why I'm kind of glad I wasn't diagnosed earlier. I would have 100% done this. Now, in my 40s, there is less need for kind of thing, and less tolerance for it in a work environment anyway. I haven't told my employer and don't plan to. I just assume it would put a target on my back.
I assume most people don’t fall into this trap where they try to get the world to adapt to their diagnosis. I think most people realize it’s something they need to work on.
I get the impression that it’s largely the people who arrive at the diagnosis after being pulled into certain online communities. The Reddit ADHD content can be wildly out of touch with reality because it functions as a space for venting and complaining, masquerading as a space for support and helpful resources.
When I was around a lot of juniors it was surprising to me that so many of them would go through the route of getting an ADHD diagnosis and then trying to get special accommodations at work for it. A lot of the workplaces were very receptive and attempted to provide reasonable accommodations, but it wasn’t what they expected or wanted from their employers. There seemed to be a belief that getting a diagnosis was a shield from being PIPed or that it meant that the employer couldn’t judge them for performance problems.
The other thing it does is give a path towards resolution (or at least mitigation) for some issues. Wife was diagnosed adhd, and got a shrug wrt an autism diagnosis. We looked into interventions that specifically tend to work for ADHD, and she’s now thriving. She also tends to respond well to some of the interventions for autistic people that we’ve found useful for our AuDHD daughter, so we’ve taken on the policy of “labels be damned, if it works it works”. The labels sure as shit help with getting started finding your bearings though