Comment by pjmlp

PL/SQL is cursed and the unstandardized library system means every DB’s ecosystem is anemic.

Instead of smashing strings, you can code with all the affordances of C90 and still get the chance to smash strings together if you need to do anything beyond utilizing simple variables (EXECUTE) — now with an even worse string manipulation stdlib. And you also get the privilege of working with the some of the most worthless parser errors known to modern man. As an added bonus, DB IDEs are universally worse at text-editing & refactoring than the equivalent application editor

You can reuse code through extensions/external instead, and have access to real programming languages with actual libraries… but now you’re kicked out of managed environments because it’s not whitelisted, and even if you do run it, you’re back to smashing strings together like a Neanderthal trying to communicate to your DB.

Sprocs/functions are useful because they do useful engine things — they run locally with the data, they have an easier time playing with transaction flow, some logic is much easier to express with a cursor instead of set logic and you get to avoid most of the penalties you’d have otherwise.

They do absolutely nothing to make SQL a less terrible interface to your database, except by stuffing it under a rug (CALL).

Stored procedures have the wrong versioning model. If they were version-locked to the application code, instead of to the database schema, they'd be less of a pain and people might be more willing to use them.