Comment by ferguess_k
20 days ago
Back in the 80s/90s, when my grandma was alive, we used to have big holiday dinners for the whole big family (I think in total of 10+ people) in her small apartment (about 20 m^2, perhaps even less). It was extremely crowdy and some people used to eat standing outside and chat with each other. But it was also one of my best memories.
30+ years forward, I moved to a new country, and we only have one kid. We haven't had this kind of big dinner for decades since my grandma passed away in the late 90s.
The families are getting smaller and more atomized, so only people who are VERY into big dinners throw them.
This is a good point.
I am retired now and lucky to have my (now adult) children living nearby. Every Friday I cook a large pizza dinner for everyone, their spouses, and their children, and any friends they want to invite. I will always be an introvert, but this weekly meal is the highlight of my week.
The difference between this and what my parents did is that I host for my own pleasure and for what it does to bind the family together. I don't expect reciprocal invitations, and no obligation is ever implied (I hope).
This is awesome. I see this as a form of leadership (brings people together, its not easy, not enough people do it, no expectation of reciprocation, etc).
Hopefully it helps the next generation stay connected and maybe your kids pick up this habit when older and it becomes a tradition.
Yeah that's really good, and I agree with the sentiment.
TBH, if I were to retire today, I'd love to do that, too. I only have one son, so probably it's not going to be a big dinner, but I'd also invite friends of the family, too.
I helped implement the concept of a "Sunday Supper" with our friend group in the city. It's basically held every Sunday and rotates to different households who feel like hosting that day. Luckily one person is sort of the "default" since their family's child situation makes it more convenient for them to host vs. go elsewhere.
It's basically an open invite for a group of friends, and a standing thing that just happens. If you have no other plans, you basically go. Sometimes I have to drag myself out of the house to do it - but it's worth it every time. The group that attends sometimes is just one other couple, sometimes it's a house full of 30 people if everyone comes, brings their kids, and a few friends of friends tag along.
Definitely one of the better things I've been involved in!
Do you RSVP? Seems like planning food for anywhere from 2 families to 30 people would be tough
It's a loose RSVP. A few extra folks showing up last minute is not a big deal, the meals are usually "family style" and leftovers get taken home most of the time.
If someone is rolling in with a larger than usual group they typically bring enough extra food to go around.
And yep, a lot of these are pot luck style to some degree. Host makes main course, everyone else pitches in on other stuff.
Definitely some loose coordination involved and the host will typically call a roll call the day before to get an estimate of number of people dropping by.
This is what potlucks are for.
Yeah i have similar fond memories.
My grandma had four kids who all married and gave her ten nephews in total. On new year's eve we had this large dinners where pretty much 20 people gathered (sometimes more, when nephews got old enough to bring their partner OR some other uncle/aunt from other sides of the family joined).
Yeah my grandma has four kids too, so it was a big family when every kid started to pump out grandkids. :)
We have young kids and several times a year we now host meetups with extended family, usually on Easter, in the summer etc. Altogether we're maybe 10-15 people, including the kids.
Kids play outside and hang with the adults or each other, grilling in the garden. Now all these people are very nice, which probably helps, but every time they tell us how nice it is that we do this.
Effort isn't much at all, buying meat and drinks, everybody else brings a salad or other snacks. Tidying up, cleaning the grill. Very much worth the effort.