Comment by exe34
4 hours ago
I simply wrote to the psychiatrist a note that whatever my parents say, they'll make themselves look good, and therefore will paint a rosy childhood for me. I guess it also helped that my then partner was there and told her of how my parents told a "funny story" that made his parents gasp in horror.
Yep, the specialists having interviews with multiple different people from your environment (friends, partners, siblings...) help a lot to differentiate what's real and what not. Also, it's usual that once you pass your twenties you stop living with your parents and/or start shielding them a bit of your struggles, so they don't have the full view of your day to day "fight".
In my case they had interviews with two exes (who are two of my best friends), my sister and my parents.
What was the funny story.
It was the story of how my brother was asked at school to draw a picture of his last birthday when he was about 5ish and drew stick figures carrying building material because we were building something in the yard and my parents forgot his birthday.
I think it’s the fact they think it’s funny is the real problem. Some people make mistakes, my wife and I don’t care about anniversary dates. But if some one is hurt, brushing it off and disregarding their feelings and your role in causing the hurt is abusive because it undermines the persons safety and connection with the world and other people.
Good grief. I read your comment and … the levels of parental neglect wrapped up in your single story are overwhelming me.
I’m sure you don’t need validation from random internet strangers, but as one with a similar enough childhood, I wanted to share that it’s a thoroughly shit club to be in.
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I usually have to work to get past the feeling that what I went through wasn't enough to recognize that it not being as bad as what someone else went through doesn't mean my thing wasn't bad. This is one where I get to be on the other side with a "funny story" my parents liked to repeat about that time when I was a baby and they were so tired of the crying that they considered tossing me off a bridge.
As an adult, I understand that kids can be really difficult and some dark stuff crosses your mind, and that alone doesn't make you a bad parent. As a kid, the constant retelling piled on to all the other neglect and very justified fears of abandonment.
Which is all to say your feelings about this are valid.
I just said they didn't believe in ADHD, which in my case - their darling wilted hothoused angel - is true. Relying on a generation that stigmatises autism/ADHD for informant reporting is nuts anyway.