Comment by stakhanov
7 years ago
Re "You can be an asshole, as long as you're right": While there are individuals who think that, I don't think it's true to say that society as a whole has adopted that viewpoint.
There are also individuals who act on the opposite principle: "If you can claim hurt feelings, you've automatically won the debate." This goes so far, that arguments often get to a point where one person dares another to hurt their feelings so that they can have an easy win. Like "A: Vaccines are safe, and not vaccinating your children exposes them to health risks. B: Well, I don't vaccinate MY children. Are you saying I'm a bad mother? [A: Well yes, kind of.]"
Also, I think that this opposite principle is exactly the principle that has lead to where we are as a society regarding the ridiculousness of political correctness.
The thing is: Cognitive dissonance reduction always trumps rationality as a mechanism whereby people form beliefs. So, the theoretical ideal would be to make a rational persuasive argument that somehow steers clear of creating cognitive dissonance in anybody (neither people on the same side, nor people on the other side of the debate).
But I also think that the article is right in asserting that, in today's world, there is just no room for lengthy and nuanced argument. They just don't get any airtime when all the media that matter, like social media and word-of-mouth are based on resonance, and attention spans of average people are fast approaching infinitesimal dimensions.
...so I really don't know where that leaves us as a society. I don't really see a way out to be honest.
You point is generally good, but I don't see it as a contradiction to the article. There's nothing inconsistent in saying, "You should be considerate in your manner of communication," while at the same time saying, "When you are criticized or contradicted, try not to take offense." The two guidelines are compatible.
I agree. The advice is sound. I wasn't taking issue with the advice, only with the premise that society as a whole has adopted the standard "You can be an asshole, as long as you're right."
Maybe, phrasing it more positively, I would add to the advice. (1) Try not to be an asshole, as you're winning an argument. (2) Don't try to win an argument by demonstrating that your opponent is an asshole.
Some people tend to foget about (1). Others tend to forget about (2).
That's well put. I misunderstood at first.