Comment by cobbzilla
7 years ago
What happens when you are actively trying not to be offensive, trying to empathize and be nice, and yet the other person takes offense?
Do you really have control of anything?
7 years ago
What happens when you are actively trying not to be offensive, trying to empathize and be nice, and yet the other person takes offense?
Do you really have control of anything?
You always have control over your own actions, including your reaction when someone takes offence to something you say or do.
I've found that if someone is offended, if you react with openness and a willingness to listen to what they are saying, then the outcome will likely be positive.
If you are more concerned with defending yourself than listening to the other person, then it's likely the outcome is going to be negative.
This isn't rocket science. The problem is that people tend to react defensively. The only utility in such a reaction is a protection of your own ego. The irony is that in attempting to protect your own ego, you just end up making the situation worse, including for yourself.
Listening is a superpower.
> You always have control over your own actions
I mostly agree, but a safer statement would be “The only thing you can ever have any direct control over is your own actions”.
Sleepwalking, inebriation, low blood sugar, hypoxia — these can all lead to degradation or total loss of conscious control of one’s actions. For many people, there are many other triggers, and some of these triggers are even less physiologically driven than the above.
Knowing one’s own limitations is also important.
> You always have control over your own actions
By your logic the person who is offended has it entirely within their power not to be offended. Since in this scenario they are the one having the more extreme emotional reaction, perhaps it would be more reasonable to ask that they regulate their emotions to some degree, rather than criticize the way in which the person absorbing the brunt of their emotional onslaught does so.
> This isn't rocket science.
That's a bit condescending.
> The problem is that people tend to react defensively
I really don't think it is.
You can control your reaction and use it as a learning opportunity.
Do you really have control of anything? Maybe not, but you have to at least assume so or become a passive participant in life.