Comment by marvin

Just making an observation here that I haven't seen elsewhere in the thread -- this subject is more tricky in written communication and for people who are less sensitive to body language.

If you're communicating in person and are above-average sensitive to others' reactions, you'll be very likely to immediately pick up whether your "did you try sshd?" was interpreted as criticism. Most people will react with a slight tensing or a particular a change in facial expression or body position if they interpret something as criticism. Then you can just follow up with "this wasn't meant as criticism; I'm just curious".

If no reaction, then don't say anything; your intent came through fine. And if they genuinely hadn't considered sshd and feel stupid because of that, that would be the kind of almost-inevitable interpersonal discomfort that any healthy adult would be expected to deal with in stride. If appropriate and you wanted to be unreasonably sensitive, you could soothe the situation with "I'm not familiar with the details of doing this in your domain, there's of course the possibility there might be some unknown gotcha there".

Most socially sensitive people wouldn't articulate or think consciously about this when it happens in person, it's just an inherent part of the unexpectedly complex and quick back-and-forth of conversation.

Written communication is a subject in itself, many dimensions of communication are lost when there is no tone of voice or body language. I almost think people should be encouraged from childhood not to apply a tone of voice when reading written communication, or ask if they're unsure.