Comment by ChrisMarshallNY

If it's that sensitive, I'd probably start by spending extra time, trying to figure it out without asking.

If it's a code review, then it's expected that hard questions be asked. I'd remove the "just," and watch my intonation.

Chances are better than even, that it ain't that important, and not worth my extra time.

If the engineer isn't that good, it will show itself in more obvious ways, sooner or later.

I've come to value team cohesiveness. When you have a team of high-functioning, self-confident, highly-intelligent, motivated people, it won't be a smooth ride. Passions abound, and people will disagree; sometimes vehemently.

Respect and cohesiveness are EARNED. If someone knows that I respect them, then I can be a real jerk, and it won't damage our relationship (as long as it isn't chronic).

I managed just such a team for a long time. When we finally disbanded, the engineer with the least seniority had ten years.

The current tech industry is hyper-competitive. Everyone is competing against everyone else. It's not enough to be "as good as" someone else. We have to be BETTER than everyone else.

When the average stay at a corporation is 24 months, people don't get that invested in a team. They are there for a fairly quick job. In and out. Don't make eye contact. Don't lower your shields.

One of the important things about working in a team, is that other members of the team watch how we treat others. If I'm mean to Joe, then Bob will assume that I'm mean; even if I'm right, and Joe was in error. The emotional impact will impart the lesson; not logic. He won't remember Joe as wrong; just me, as mean.

There is no solution that can be achieved by a simple change in wording.

But that's just me, and my experience. YMMV.