Comment by air7

When someone is not insecure, they won't take offense even if the speaker meant "response 1" and if they are, even "response 2" would cause them pain. In the end, one interprets other people's intentions based on what they actually think (or fear) about themselves.

Because of that, if you are a sensitive person, working around other people's insecurities is a difficult thing. I think that if you are trying to take care not to cause the other party to take offense, then "including a ridiculously long and pleading disclaimer before what should be a short question" is not such a bad idea. You're treading potentially dangerous waters, who said you should be able to go fast?

I often would say something like "I don't mean to be rude but I'm curios, why does sshd not work here?" with a non-confrontational tone and a genuinely-intrigued expression.