Comment by PaulRobinson

"What options have you already looked through?"

If you were expecting sshd, and they mention it and rule it out because of reason X, you now have the start of a constructive conversation. "Oh wow, I didn't know that" or "Ah, hang on, I fixed something similar once, want me to see if I can dig out my notes?" are nice.

If you were expecting sshd and it doesn't show up, you could then offer "Had you considered sshd or ruled it out at all?".

Also, ask them for the problem they were trying to solve, and offer alternative takes on the problem, sympathise, and only go into alternative solutions after asking them to describe the solutions they've tried.

This is really hard, and I'm still trying to get better at it after 20+ years in industry.