Comment by scubbo
5 years ago
> Social interactions become more and more meek and stilted because the risk of "offending someone" is always there.
Strong disagree. The same ideas and concepts can be discussed, the same conversations can be had - just with tweaked vocabulary.
Now, if you're talking about not expressing a particular attitude because it might offend someone, but you still stand by the position (regardless of its phrasing) - well, that's a different situation. Any sufficiently important position is going to offend someone - just make sure that you're offending the right people.
> At some point there is a line beyond which if someone is "offended", the problem is with them and them alone. I'd argue policing words like "idiot" (esp. when not directed at someone as an insult) is squarely on the wrong side.
That's fair! I disagree, but I'm not going to say that you're wrong - just that my line is drawn elsewhere. I have not found my life to be markedly impacted by consciously avoiding the twenty-or-so words/phrases that various folks have told me that they find offensive. I can still express the same ideas - I just know that I'm doing it in a way that doesn't distract from my message. If your experience is different - if you find that those words are fundamental to your message, and/or that having the freedom to use precisely the words that you want is more important to you than knowing that those words may hurt someone - that's your prerogative.
> just with tweaked vocabulary
> knowing that those words may hurt someone
Some people aren't really hurt but like to erase your message by depicting your expression as hurtful. Maybe they just don't like you, it would be another reason. Your naive line of thinking draws in people that might want to take advantage of you. I don't think it could be a universal rule for the internet.
> Some people aren't really hurt but like to erase your message by depicting your expression as hurtful.
I hear this fear a lot, and have never seen any evidence of it whatsoever. Not saying it doesn't exist - just that I haven't experienced it. The only people who've ever mentioned to me that my word-choices were harmful did so with an intention to educate and reduce-harm-to-themselves-or-others, not to undermine or silence me.
There can only be as much evidence as for something being hurtful. You cannot read minds, but I don't think it far fetched that sometimes it seems to be more about validation and getting your way instead of being genuinely affected.
Never experienced that yourself? Babies do so very commonly when they cry. My understanding is that adults get out of it to a degree.
I guess the vast majority of people do so with honest intend and some don't. If it is about definitions and wording on hot button issues, I think the latter group to be disproportionally large.
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