Comment by scotty79
3 years ago
I'm 100% in interrupt culture. When I interact with people from wait culture it's pretty bad experience for me because not being interrupted feels for me like not being listened, understood or like nobody cares what I'm saying. Occasionally it seems even cruel when I'm mistaken at the beginning of my thread but they silently let me go on with stating my erroneous conclusions from false premise. Only then to hear that all my input was sheer garbage.
The only two people from wait culture I've met were from management (they were just my friends, I had no professional relationship with them).
I think wait style must have been pretty natural for them because they are used to nobody saying anything to them while they are talking and maybe even untill explicitly asked. And since they are nice people they mirrored that in their behavior.
It feels great when I'm talking to someone and they're so interested that they can't wait to ask questions. It's not even really interrupting (as in talking over me), it's often just looking like they're going to speak, and I yield. And vice versa.
I feel that constant feedback is useful to keep the conversation going in a productive direction.
Interrupting is much easier in person though, you can just look like you're going to say something and the other person will pause. It can even be just an intake of breath. Over Zoom it's much harder.
Sometimes when someone's speaking over Zoom I find myself about to say something, but then I don't, because the other person couldn't pick up the cues and pause. I only realised I do this because someone in a meeting room with me (with other participants on Zoom) actually picked up the cues and asked me if I wanted to say something.
I now find myself signaling I want to interrupt (breathing in, cocking my head) during a Zoom call very often, only to catch myself. I can't bring myself to actually interrupt someone, but in person they would've stopped and I would've interjected. I wonder how often I was doing that.
> not being interrupted feels for me like not being listened
I'm curious if this is the case if the other party is giving other visual indications of focus. (Making intent eye contact, nodding, etc.)
Obviously it may still be uncomfortable because it's not your preferred communication/feedback style, but I'm curious if that mitigates the feeling of not being listened to or not.
I'm not great at eye contact. Especially when I'm focusing on something I'm trying to convey. But that could probably help. I remember the most intense feelings of being not listened in situations where eye contact was not possible. For ex we were walking side by side or doing something manual facing away from each other.
> not being interrupted feels for me like not being listened
When people listen to you talk, you feel like they're not listening?
Where do you think that stems from? It seems peculiar that as someone more actively listens to you, you feel just the opposite.
Because in an interrupt culture, the speaker expects not just active listening but active feedback.