Comment by tempestn

2 years ago

And a polite way to do this is to suggest the thing you want, rather than directly asking for it. You could complement the cake - oh, that looks delicious; what's the occasion? Or, "I'm moving next weekend - looking forward to the new place, but it's going to be a big job!" It is uncomfortable being asked something that you have to say no to, but that doesn't mean we have to just hope people will guess our needs unassisted.

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tempestn

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tomjakubowski  2 years ago

In "guess culture" they can't offer you help unless they're certain you won't decline the offer. So they'd have to figure out first if you're hiring movers, and if not ascertain whether you already have enough friends helping you, and if not _then_ they'd offer to help you.

I agree with the other commenters who say that guess culture is exhausting.

  • tempestn  2 years ago

    Maybe that's how it works somewhere, but it's hard for me to imagine. It can definitely be an imposition to _ask_ someone directly for help moving, as indeed they might feel obligated to agree. But it seems much less likely in a real-world context that offering someone your help would oblige them to accept. It's perfectly reasonable to explain that you have it worked out already, so you appreciate the offer but it's not necessary.

    "Guess culture" could certainly be exhausting if you over-complicate it like that, but it's not necessary.