Comment by zestyping

Ask and Guess are each presented as extremes, which isn't that helpful. People don't belong 100% to one side or the other.

If someone really behaved according to all the "Ask culture expectations," they would be selfish, and if someone really behaved according to all the "Guess culture expectations," they would be insufferable. Yes, various people are a little more to one side or the other, but most of the time something in between is best, along these lines:

• Yes means yes, no means no (to both the asker and answerer).

• Ask for what you need, but with an awareness of what you're asking the other person to give up.

• Take responsibility for what you say (e.g. don't actively lie about your expectations, don't offer when you aren't ready to follow through).

• Show appreciation.

Being aware of other people's needs matters. Communicating your own needs matters. Both are important skills, and if you completely lack one of them (and blame the other person for it!) you're going to be in for a hard time.