Comment by ChuckMcM

When I first heard about "ask" vs. "guess" culture from a discussion on Twitter in early 2022 it was like a lightning bolt struck. So many things could be explained in this context. My Mom was from the south (Tennessee), my Dad from the north (upstate NY) our family was often wracked by misunderstandings. It confused the heck out of me. Fortunately both I and my wife lean much more to "ask" culture and we were close enough that after some initial misunderstandings in our marriage it settled out. We didn't have a name for it though, and this putting it into context really gave me a "Eureka" moment.

Ever since reading about this I've looked at relationships I have and have tried to work out what culture the other person preferred or was using, and often had direct conversations both explaining the concepts and talking about the ramifications of one form of interaction over the other.

Some folks are uncomfortable asking for things and lean into guess culture, others are really explicit about if they didn't ask about it they don't care. I only wish I had understood these concepts when I started managing engineers!